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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25649263">Homecoming</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DhampirsDrinkEspresso/pseuds/DhampirsDrinkEspresso'>DhampirsDrinkEspresso</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Field Goal [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholics Anonymous, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Attacks, Ben POV, Blackouts, But they Have to Work for Their Ending, Caretaking, Criminal Backstory, Depression, Drug Use, Drug trafficking, F/F, F/M, Fever, Field Goal is Reylo HEA, Forced Prostitution, From Threenager to Fournado, Homecoming is Reylo HEA, Human Trafficking, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Manipulation, Mention of pregnancy, Non-Consensual Drug Use, OC is based on an "Unnamed" character, OFC child character, Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Drug Use, Physical Therapy, Potty Training Accidents, Pregnancy, Prostitution, Rehabilitation, Relapse, Single Parents, Single mom Rey, Temper Tantrums, The Rey/Snap Relationship is Minor but there, The Trafficking and Prostitution are Referenced, mentions of criminal activity, oc child - Freeform, past overdose, potty training, stomach flu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:41:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>35,488</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25649263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DhampirsDrinkEspresso/pseuds/DhampirsDrinkEspresso</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Fresh out of rehab and having lost everything, even his name, after an injury ended his career, Ben Solo returns home because he has nowhere else to go. He finds life has gone on without him and he thought he wanted that. But then he sees Rey Erso-Andor again, and meets her daughter, Mia. Her daughter with very familiar eyes-and ears. Her daughter who calls his own parents Grammy and Grampa.</p><p>He really should have read all the paperwork Snoke had him sign.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso, Kaydel Ko Connix/Jannah, Kylo Ren/Rey, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Temmin "Snap" Wexley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Field Goal [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1817779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>255</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Here we are, the final story of the Field Goal trilogy.</p><p>This final story is from Ben's POV (if that changes I will note it) and begins approximately 4 1/2 years after Fumble. There may be some flashbacks to events in Scrimmage and Fumble, to fill in some details on Ben's side of things.</p><p>The referenced character death is the one from Scrimmage.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ben Solo comes home...just in time for a birthday party. A CHILD'S birthday party. Who the heck do his parents know well enough to throw their kid a party?</p><p>
  <em>Rey took a step.<br/>Another. Faster this time.<br/>Again.<br/>Then she was running, face changing from shock to something much more familiar.<br/>Fury.<br/>The punch came with the momentum of her run and the full force of her body behind it. He blinked up at her from the ground, unable to stop himself from noticing she was still beautiful when she was angry.<br/>“Ow.” He rubbed at his jaw and moved slowly until he was half-sitting, reclining on his elbows there in the grass. “Hi, Rey.”</em>
</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The man who used to be Ben Solo cringed at the line of cars along the drive. He should have called first. Hell, he shouldn’t even have come here.</p><p>Unfortunately, there wasn’t much choice. He didn’t have anywhere else <em>to</em> go. He pulled off the road and leaned forward, resting his head against the steering wheel with a groan.</p><p>“I can do this,” he mumbled, “She’s my mother. That means something. She’ll let me come home, just for a while.”</p><p>But would she?</p><p>They’d not had the best relationship anyway, and then the way he’d left…God, he was an asshole. A stupid one.</p><p>It had been nearly five years, and he hadn’t even called to check in on them, not once.</p><p>No he couldn’t do this. Resolved to figure out another way, he raised a hand to start the engine on the beat up rental car again, when a tap on the window startled him enough that a <em> manly</em> (yep, totally manly, for sure) yelp escaped before he could stop it.</p><p>“Gate code hasn’t changed, even though we had to change the locks. Maybe stop being a chicken shit.”</p><p>“Missed you too, Dad,” he mumbled in reply, fumbling for the button to unlock the doors as Han Solo casually walked around to the passenger side and stood there, impatiently tapping on the door handle. Ben waited until the door opened. “How did you even know I’d be here?”</p><p>“Luke. He saw you come into town, called me. We uh, we heard about…everything.”</p><p>Ben nodded and didn’t bother to fight the bitter sigh, staring straight ahead.</p><p>“Well? You gonna drive me to the house or do I have to walk back?”</p><p>Wordlessly, Ben started the car. “What ah…what’s the event for today?”</p><p>Han shifted uncomfortably. “Birthday party.” He paused, waiting as Ben punched in the gate code and continued along the drive.</p><p>The closer they got to the house, the weirder everything was. Everywhere Ben looked was an explosion of pastel balloons and streamers, and he was pretty sure that thing on the side lawn was a bouncy castle and was that…?</p><p>“Is that…is that a clown running a pony ride?”</p><p>“Yeah,” his father said, voice strangely soft and affectionate.</p><p>“This looks like a kid’s party.”</p><p>“It is a kid’s party.”</p><p>Ben’s mouth opened and closed a few times because he couldn’t quite form words. “Since when do you have kids’ parties here? What kids do you know to have parties for?”</p><p>He couldn’t quite make out his father’s expression and still pay attention to their progress along the drive, but there was a definite pinched, angry set to the elder Solo’s jaw. Ben slowed the car from a glacial crawl to a full stop and put the vehicle in park in his old spot by the pool house. “Your mother and I, we may have been shitty parents, but even I would never act like this,” Han growled, climbing out of the car and leaving Ben more confused than ever.</p><p>He didn’t like being confused, so he channeled that into anger as he slammed his own car door and followed. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”</p><p>Han spun around and pointed at him. “Don’t you dare try to pull that! And watch your language!”</p><p>Ben opened his mouth to yell back, relishing the chance to <em>finally </em>scream and curse at someone the way he wanted to, to somehow punish his father for his own mistakes, but was interrupted by a shrieking, giggling blur of muddy ruffled lace streaking past him.</p><p>“How’s my mini-princess today?” Han said, swinging the little girl up into his arms and tossing her in the air, making her shriek again as he caught her.</p><p>“I made mud pies!”</p><p>“Yes, in your pretty party dress,” Han said, tickling her belly and smiling as he collected the instant reward of more giggling from the little girl.</p><p>“Is it time yet? Can I ride the pony?”</p><p>“What did your mama say?”</p><p>The little girl sighed dramatically, lower lip stuck  out in a pout. “Mama says I have to wait until everyone gets here, and Grammy Leia said so too.”</p><p>
  <em>Grammy Leia?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Was his mother out collecting other people’s kids and claiming them as her own grandchildren, now?</em>
</p><p>She flung herself backwards and Ben took a step forward automatically, hands out, sure Han was about to drop her, but he didn’t. “Aw, I guess I’ll never get to do anything fun ever again!”</p><p>“Uh huh, sure sweetheart, that’s exactly what I said…”</p><p>“Grampa Han, <em>you</em> are sarcasm.”</p><p>Han huffed a laugh and kissed her forehead before setting her on the grass and taking her hand. “Sometimes I am. Come on, Princess Mia, let’s go find Mama and see what we can do about this mud before Grammy sees you.”</p><p>He couldn’t have explained why, but Ben found himself following, albeit at a distance, as the child chattered at his father who in return seemed to be actively listening to every word. Someone stepped out of the doors leading from the main kitchen to the pool deck and outdoor kitchen area and he froze, breath catching painfully as the sun glinted off her hair.</p><p>
  <em>Rey.</em>
</p><p>“Mama! I made mud pies and I wanna ride the pony, can I, <em>pleeeeeeeeeease</em>?”</p><p>Rey scooped her up and planted a loud, smacking kiss on her cheek and it was like the world shattered. “Not until everyone is here.”</p><p>No.</p><p>God, no.</p><p>He wasn’t ready for <em>this</em>.</p><p>He’d assumed she had moved on, hell he’d told himself he <em>hoped </em>she had. But now, seeing her again, proof that she <em>had</em> moved on cuddled in her arms, he thought he might actually die.</p><p>Maybe he moved, or made some sound, or maybe life just wanted to kick him while he was down, but that was the moment Rey glanced up, saw him there past Han. She went pale, eyes and mouth rounding in shock.</p><p>
  <em>“Ben?”</em>
</p><p>Han looked between them, stepped forward and held his arms out for Mia, gently extracting her from Rey’s hold and muttering something about sneaking cookies before the party as he carried her inside.</p><p>Rey took a step.</p><p>Another. Faster this time.</p><p>Again.</p><p>Then she was running, face changing from shock to something much more familiar.</p><p>
  <em>Fury.</em>
</p><p>The punch came with the momentum of her run and the full force of her body behind it. He blinked up at her from the ground, unable to stop himself from noticing she was still beautiful when she was angry.</p><p>“<em>Ow.</em>” He rubbed at his jaw and moved slowly until he was half-sitting, reclining on his elbows there in the grass. “Hi, Rey.”</p><p>She smacked the top of his head. “Don’t you ‘hi, Rey’ me, you utter karking arsehat!” Another smack, this one from her other hand. “Who the hell do you think you are?” she demanded, this time smacking his shoulder. “<em>Hi, Rey,</em>” she mimicked sarcastically, foot popping out to kick his hip. “As if you don’t know what you did, as if it hasn’t been NEARLY FIVE FUCKING YEARS! And then you show up TODAY!” She smacked the top of his head again, this time catching him just right and making him bite his tongue.</p><p>“Ow! OW! Will you stop hitting me?” He threw his hands up blindly, trying to protect himself from her wrath.</p><p>“NO!” A smack to the back of his head. “I!” Another blow to his shoulder. “WON’T!”</p><p>He caught her hand that time, deciding he’d let her get in enough free shots for the moment. Ben surged up on his knees, both her wrists in a firm grasp. She stared down at him, eyes blazing as she panted for breath. Her face was flushed and he was fairly certain she was thinking about kicking him again. His knee twinged and he shifted a bit. “I’m going to let you go and stand up, and you’re going to stop beating on me—<em>for now,”</em> he said, tone firm. She swallowed and looked away from him, nodding once, her body still tight with anger.</p><p>He stood and gingerly stepped back, favoring his right leg as his knee gave another dull throb. “I’m sorry, okay? I had no idea there was anything happening here today. I didn’t know <em>anyone </em>would be here. I’ll…I can leave if you want.”</p><p>She wouldn’t look at him. “I…whatever. It’s fine. Do what you want. You always have.” And with that as her parting shot she turned and went back into the main house.</p><p>He watched her go and then turned, wandering over to the pool house and sitting in a chair near the door, gingerly stretching his leg out and massaging his knee.</p><p>It wasn’t long until his father came out of the house, an open beer in one hand and a plastic water bottle in the other. He settled into the other chair and silently handed Ben the water. “Rey’s pretty upset.”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“Your mother is too.”</p><p>Ben sipped his water and winced. “Not surprising.” They sat in silence for a moment, watching as more cars arrived and families began congregating around the pool.</p><p>“She’s not angry, you know? Your mom…she’s just hurt. But she’s glad you came home.” Han finished off his beer and burped. “Even if you didn’t call.”</p><p>Ben nodded and stared down at his lap, fingers picking nervously at the label on his water bottle. “I should…I shouldn’t have…I’m sorry I didn’t call. I was afraid and…Dad, I don’t have anywhere else to go. Snoke…he took everything.”</p><p>Han’s hand settled in his shoulder, a comforting weight. “Come on, kid, let’s go inside,” he said as he stood and stepped over to the pool house door. “We had to change the locks a couple years back, new keys are on the table there.”</p><p>Ben looked around him in awe. At first glance, it seemed almost the same, for the most part, although there were a few toys scattered around the far end of the room and a juice box on the coffee table. As he looked more closely, he realized the décor had definitely been updated.</p><p>What remained of his trophies and mementos from high school—at least the things he hadn’t fully destroyed the night that Bazine died—had been repaired and moved into a new, glass fronted cabinet where a bookshelf had once been.</p><p>The TV had been upgraded again, and the DVD menu of some animated kids’ movie was on the screen.</p><p>The thing that made him catch his breath, though, the changes that brought out a swirling mix of emotions, were the pictures.</p><p>The group picture from prom had been blown up poster size and hung in the center of the wall to the right of the linen closet. All around it were others. Pictures of Rey and Mia, pictures of Mia with his parents, with Rey’s parents and Finn, with Armitage and Rose, at least one that looked fairly recent with Kaydel, and interspersed were pictures of Ben.</p><p>Well, of Kylo Ren.</p><p>Promotional photos, newspaper and magazine clippings, and a few that looked like they’d been taken from the stands during Knights of Ren games. His parents had come to see him play? He hadn’t even known…</p><p>Not that he would have been allowed to see them…or even admitted he wanted to…</p><p>Han cleared his throat. “Ah, cleaning crew comes in once a week still, and the towels and sheets are fresh.” He glanced at the far end of the room. “Mia and I were playing Candyland earlier. I’ll clean that up after cake. She uh…she’s decided this is her playhouse so…”</p><p>Ben blinked in confusion. “How often is she here?”</p><p>“Oh, Rey brings her for dinner every Sunday, she spends the night a couple times a month…but we see her almost every day.”</p><p>“I don’t…I don’t understand…why would you…” he trailed off.</p><p>Han’s anger returned with a vengeance. “Look kid, I’m glad you came home and all, but you need to work your shit out! Just because you turned your back on everyone here five years ago doesn’t mean we just just stopped living to wait for you!”</p><p>Ben watched, more confused than ever, as his father stormed out of the pool house. He shook his head and headed out to the car to gather the meager belongings he had been able to take with him when Snoke kicked him out of his—no, <em>Kylo Ren’s</em>—penthouse.</p><p>Ben stared down at his bags on the bed in the pool house. Two suitcases and a duffle bag. That was the entirety of what he could call his. It was mostly the same things he’d taken with him the day he left campus—and Rey—behind. The day he abandoned Ben Solo, taking up the mantle of Kylo Ren, because after the things he’d done there hadn’t been anything good left in life for Ben Solo.</p><p>He’d thought he would be <em>better</em>, finally be <em>someone </em>or <em>something </em>more. He’d ended up nothing.</p><p>Less than nothing, actually.</p><p>Technically he didn’t even have a <em>name.</em></p><p>Snoke <em>owned </em>Kylo Ren, had the very name trademarked and copyrighted, and (at least legally speaking) Ben Solo didn’t even exist anymore thanks to his idiotic agreement to signing everything Snoke put before him without even bothering to read it first.</p><p>“Ben?”</p><p>He turned and froze as Rey stepped into view. “Ben I…look, no matter how things are between us, how pissed off I am and always will be with you…Mia would like you to come to her party.”</p><p>“Um, okay?”</p><p>“She says you can have one of the roses on her cake. She thinks you look sad.”</p><p>He nodded dumbly, staring at her. The only thing he could think to say was, “Mia was Bazine’s middle name.”</p><p>“I know. They have the same birthday. It just felt right.” She turned as Mia barreled in, catching her before she got through the bedroom doorway. “Mama! Mama! What did da—MISTER BEN say? Will he have cake with me?”</p><p>“Maybe in a little bit, Pumpkin.”</p><p>“Awwww, I want him to come NOW.”</p><p>“Mia Rose,” Rey said in a warning tone. Mia started to wail and thrash, screaming that no one loved her and she should just go away, and Rey tightened her grip. “Ah, ah, no ma’am, we are not going to do this today.” She walked away, managing to carry Mia and not fall. He winced as Mia grabbed a lock of her mother’s hair and tugged then leaned up and—did she just <em>bite</em> Rey? He watched a moment longer, until they disappeared into the house.</p><p>Shaking his head, Ben sighed and opened the first of the bags. It was mostly clothing, and it mostly kind of fit, although the smallest of the shirts strained at the seams with the muscle he’d put on in the last few years and at least one pair of the jeans wouldn’t go over his thighs anymore. The pants were all just a hair short as well, thanks to one final growth spurt at 23 that had added nearly another inch to his height while also broadening his shoulders and chest.</p><p>As he dug through in search of the items that might still be usable, he couldn’t stop his mind wandering back to Mia.</p><p>He didn’t know much about kids, but she had to be at least three and definitely no younger, and he was guessing really tall for her age. Smart, too, based on the way she spoke.</p><p>Who was her father? Did Rey hook up with someone the next fall? Worse, had it been serious?</p><p>Was the guy still in the picture?</p><p>In spite of himself, Ben wandered back into the main room, coming to a stop in front of what he was guessing was the most recent picture of Mia by herself—he wasn’t ready to look at the ones of her with Rey, not yet. He felt something tight inside him loosen when he realized there were no pictures of Mia with her father, none of anyone who wasn’t somehow family or close enough they might as well be.</p><p>Mia had Rey’s nose, complete with a dusting of freckles, and an impish, slightly lopsided grin. Her hair was darker than Rey’s, a fall of rich brown curls, and based on some of the smaller pictures, with just a hint of auburn in the right light. From what he could see in the photos it looked like her eyes were brown. There was something…</p><p>A commotion outside drew his attention away from the pictures and he turned, opening one of the French doors just enough to step outside. A sizable crowd had amassed on the pool deck, many balancing plates of food as they mingled. A few families had spread blankets in the grass. He heard the sound that had drawn him outside again.</p><p>Mia.</p><p>She squealed in delight as a man at the edge of the lawn leaned down and picked her up, planting a kiss on her cheek and balancing her on his hip as he walked towards Rey, who met him halfway there. The man kissed Rey’s cheek as well, and then swung his free arm around her waist. She laughed at something he said while they walked closer, a perfect little family.</p><p>Something inside him wanted to stomp over and tear them both away from the man, roaring “MINE!” as he did so.</p><p>Because they should have been his. Rey AND Mia.</p><p>Ben ducked back into the pool house.</p><p>Rey, his Rey (but no, she wasn’t his, was she, and hadn’t been since he threw her away), was apparently dating Snap Wexley, and if Snap <em>wasn’t </em>Mia’s father, he certainly appeared to be headed toward stepparent territory.</p><p>Ben shoved his now mostly empty luggage into the floor and fell face-first onto the bed with a groan. He wanted to scream, throw things.</p><p>He wanted a <em>drink.</em></p><p>He fumbled for his new prepaid cell phone and pulled up the only contact he’d even bothered to program.</p><p>His sponsor answered immediately, stayed on the line until he had himself under control. Clean and sober…well in a lot of ways, it kind of sucked, but only because he was having to face and deal with everything he had avoided for years.</p><p>He still wasn’t even sure what half the shit he’d been on was. Snoke had provided it and he’d never questioned the man or his motives. It had started in college, with alcohol and that girl—the brunette who had practically stalked him. Christ, Ben couldn’t even remember her <em>name</em>. She’d been the go-between, Snoke’s messenger and, as he’d gotten under Ben’s skin—into his head, she’d become Snoke’s delivery girl as well.</p><p>“I’ll send you something to take the edge off,” Snoke had said after a particularly rough game that had been a near-loss. And then later, it was “something to help you focus for finals, my boy.” Eventually he hadn’t asked for a reason, just taken whatever Snoke gave him. Then that weekend, the one where Rey was sick, and the girl had brought an assortment of powders and pills and, well, to the current day Ben had no memory of anything that weekend between the time she’d handed him the baggie and when he’d awakened hanging half-off his bed with cotton mouth and a pounding head, hearing Rose screaming in the hallway.</p><p>It wasn’t his first blackout, and it wasn’t his last.</p><p>It <em>was</em> however the one he considered the worst (despite the other time he’d come so close to dying). Because that was the weekend he lost the best thing he’d ever had.</p><p>And he couldn’t even <em>remember</em>.</p><p>A sound in the main room roused Ben from his thoughts and he stood, stepping forward just as a light knock sounded, and someone called out his name. He opened the door for his mother and stood there awkwardly as she stared at him, misty-eyed. She cleared her throat, looked down and lifted the plate in her hand. “I ah, I brought you a plate. Thought maybe…well, I assumed you hadn’t eaten, and we haven’t really stocked the kitchen out here for a while.”</p><p>“Thanks,” he said softly, accepting the plate and following her to the table, sitting down and staring blankly at the food practically tumbling over the sides.</p><p>“There’s drinks in the refrigerator—just water and juice boxes, really.” She wrung her hands and paced a little, pausing every few steps to stare at him. He stared back, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat.</p><p>“I’m…I’m really glad you’re home, Ben.” She paused, staring up at the ceiling. “I…I’d like a fresh start. I know…I know I wasn’t there for you when you needed me to be and I…”</p><p>He wasn’t sure who moved first, if she stepped forward or he stood up, but, “Mom,” escaped him in a broken sob and then he was holding her, and they were both crying. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he chanted over and over. She sat with him while he ate the food, barely tasting anything but knowing he needed it and wanting to please her. They didn’t talk, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, not really.</p><p>“Your father and I, we’ve been in counseling for a few years now. Couples therapy and individual sessions. I…Rey suggested it, but I think it was Jyn’s idea.” She looked down when he winced. “Anyway, I’ve had to face some things and…well, I just want to say, I’m sorry too, for my part.”</p><p>“Mom—”</p><p>“No, just let me,” she said, holding up one hand. “There’s not time to get into all of that right now. It will be time for cake, soon.” She smiled then, soft and small and disturbingly similar to the one his father had gotten earlier, talking about Mia. “But anyway, we’ll talk. Tomorrow, maybe? And I was hoping maybe you’d come shopping with me. I noticed you only have a couple of bags and you’ve grown. Oh, Ben, I’ve missed you so much, and I know it’s my own fault!”</p><p>She was going to cry again. He didn’t want to see his mother cry. In all his years he’d hated seeing her cry, even when they were constantly at odds. That had to be the reason he said what he did. “Sure, Mom, I think I’d like that. Maybe we can get breakfast, too.”</p><p>She beamed, nodding quickly and too many times as she blinked and swiped at her eyes.</p><p>Whatever she had been planning to say next was interrupted when the door flew open and Mia barreled in calling, “Grammy! Grammy! Mama says we can have cake and presents! You have to come!” She climbed into his mother’s lap, wriggling excitedly and putting her hands on Leia’s cheeks. “Grampa says he’ll help me blow out the candles but I don’t <em>need</em> help,” she insisted with a pout. “You have to tell him no.”</p><p>“Oh, my angel!” his mother said, hugging the child and pushing Mia’s hair back, tucking the errant curls behind her ear as she laughed and agreed. “Don’t worry, I won’t let Grampa steal your wish.”</p><p>His mother looked up then, and Mia turned in her lap. Seeing them like that, both smiling at him across the table, it was like a physical blow. He should have given this to them, he should have given his mother a grandchild. She shouldn’t have had to take on someone else’s…</p><p>Wait.</p><p>Her eyes, golden brown and lighter in the center.</p><p>And that ear peeking out under her curls…she must have her father’s ears…</p><p>Her father.</p><p>Oh God.</p><p>He was going to hyperventilate.</p><p>That niggling thought that had been taunting him earlier pushed to the forefront. “Mia, how old are you?”</p><p>“THREE!” She shrieked excitedly, climbing down from Leia’s lap and running for the door. “My birf-day is Tuesday and then I’ll be FOUR!” she screamed as she ran back across the yard, his mother following as he sat stunned and desperately trying to remember how math worked.</p><p>
  <em>FOUR.</em>
</p><p>Mia would be <em>four </em>on Tuesday.</p><p>40 weeks was about ten months.</p><p>It hadn’t been a whole five years yet.</p><p>But then…</p><p>She would have told him though, right? He couldn’t even consider that there had been someone else. Rey wasn’t like that.</p><p>He felt sick.</p><p>He had to know for <em>sure.</em></p><p>He stumbled out of the pool house, vision blurring a bit as he watched Rey lift Mia into her arms, both of them leaning over the cake. Voices all around chorused out happy birthday, even the ones out of time and off key sounding beautiful. Mia puffed out her cheeks and blew, probably spitting all over the cake as Rey pursed her lips and blew over her head, making sure Mia would “get her wish” by blowing out all four candles in one go. His legs gave out and he sat down <em>hard </em>on the concrete slab in front of the pool house as Mia looked up at him.</p><p>She had his eyes, his damn ears.</p><p>He thought back to earlier, when Rey had hauled her away.</p><p>His fucking temper.</p><p>His smile.</p><p>And Rey’s nose and chin.</p><p>She was absolutely perfect.</p><p>He <em>knew</em>, without a shadow of a doubt, but he still needed to hear it.</p><p>Needed <em>someone</em> to say it.</p><p>He never expected it would be Mia.</p><p>His perfect, amazing, beautiful little girl, who squirmed away from Rey after the candles were out and ran straight at him, coming to a stop before him. “I got all the candles, so I get my wish. Are you ready to be my daddy now or not?”</p><p>When he didn’t answer immediately she kicked him.</p><p>Okay, maybe she had Rey’s temper…</p><p>“Mia Rose Solo, we do NOT kick people!”</p><p>Mia turned to Rey, glaring up at her, fisted hands on her hips. “You did! And you hit him too! And I was mad!”</p><p>Rey flushed, floundering for the correct response. “Well, I was wrong. Sometimes grown ups make mistakes too.”</p><p>“Then you should ‘pologize! Mama, you say sorry right now!” Mia turned and kissed Ben’s knee where she’d kicked him. “Sorry, Daddy.”</p><p>He felt lightheaded again as he stared up at Rey. “How could you not tell me I had a daughter? That WE have a daughter?”</p><p>Rey’s eyes snapped to his, the fury from earlier in the day blazing back to life. “What the fuck did you just say to me?”</p><p>Mia’s eyes widened. “Mama, you said FUCK!”</p><p>Rey groaned, burying her face in her hands.</p><p>“Maybe we should go inside,” Ben said, standing up with a groan. Rey nodded numbly and followed him into the pool house as his parents and hers collected Mia and took her for another pony ride before the clown and pony left for the day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mia's more than ready for Ben to be her father, but he has no idea how to do that.</p>
<p>
  <em><br/>Rey and Mia stayed through Mia’s nap and Sunday night dinner before returning home, prompting a meltdown when she realized he wasn’t going with them. Ben stared, completely at a loss of what to do, but Rey just said calmly that they were going home and would “see Daddy at soccer practice tomorrow.” He could still hear Mia screaming as Rey guided her car down the long drive. He shook his head and sighed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He wasn’t prepared for this, had no clue what he was doing.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“She’ll be fine.” Ben jumped and turned to find his mother standing behind him. “You will too,” she continued.</em>
  <br/>
</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning, there is a Flashback/Dream Sequence to when Ben and Bazine were together in high school in <em>italics</em>. If you don't want to read that skip from <em>"You should tell her"</em> to "Ben woke with a groan"</p>
<p>Sorry for the long wait. I got a comment on another story that threw me for a loop and had me doubting I had accomplished what I intended with the first two stories in this trilogy.</p>
<p>It's also been much busier at work which is good for job security but I kind of miss having 2-3 hours per night to read and write!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey just stared at him, shock and disbelief warring with her anger. “Ben, I do NOT understand how this is even possible! You signed the paperwork, even the things that had to be witnessed and notarized. She has your last name. <em>Your NAME</em> is on her BIRTH CERTIFICATE as her FATHER OF RECORD. I couldn’t have done that without your consent. How could you POSSIBLY not have known?” Rey slapped the table (again) and looked away.</p>
<p>“I told you Rey, it’s not a good answer but it IS the truth. I signed everything Snoke and his lawyers gave me without reading it, and the lawyers took it from there. He was in my head, had me so twisted around and constantly wasted that I just…did everything he told me to.” He stared at the tabletop, shame and guilt insisting he just <em>needed</em> a drink. Just one…maybe two…and it would all be so much better. He could do this, if he just had a drink. His hands started to shake. “I can’t…I’m sorry I need…I need a minute.” He stood abruptly, chair falling over as he fled to the bedroom, trying desperately to remember where he’d dropped his phone earlier. He heard her call his name once, but she didn’t follow, at least not right away.</p>
<p>Five minutes. He just needed five minutes and an answer to his text.</p>
<p>He didn’t get it. Fuming, Rey flung open the bedroom door. “Don’t you dare run away from me ag—Ben? Ben, what’s going on? Are you okay?” She paused, glared at the ceiling before looking back at him. “What am I saying, of course you’re not okay. None of us are okay right now.” She buried her face in her hands and groaned before looking back up at him.</p>
<p>“I think, maybe, we both need some time to think. This is…it’s a lot, but I do believe you—or, well, I want to and I <em>am </em>trying—that you would have been here, been in her life if you really had known, that you want to now, even if it’s only been a few hours since you found out. It’s…I know it was a shock, that much is clear.” She turned to go, paused, then turned back and gave him a look of sympathy (not pity, though, never that). “Ben?”</p>
<p>“Hm?” He was distracted, fumbling desperately with the phone, and didn’t look up.</p>
<p>“Not that I’m making assumptions, or pushing, or anything, but you should know, there are NA meetings at the community center on Thursdays, and AA meets in the rec hall at the Methodist church close to the library. If you…anyway. I’m going to go. Mia and I, we’re staying with your parents tonight, it was what she wanted for her birthday. I’ll ah, I’ll be around, yeah?” She shook her head and walked out.</p>
<p>His phone buzzed in his hand as she left, closing the main doors quietly behind her. Ben glanced down, shaking his head as Bodhi sent him a list of meeting times and locations—there were exactly two in the area, the ones Rey had just mentioned—followed by a message that he’d be calling in five minutes.</p>
<p>He calmed down substantially after the call, and wandered back into the main room, studying the framed photos again. He wasn’t even surprised when Mia bounded in, his father following behind and calling out for her to come back.</p>
<p>“Daddy! Daddy! We’re gonna watch a princess movie and have popcorn and a milkshake. I want you to come too.” She was wearing her third dress of the day, this time one that was clearly a costume with layers of see-through fabric—the stuff they made tutus out of, that looked like a net—making up the skirt and a picture of one of the Disney princesses on the top. A plastic crown dangled from her hand and her feet were bare, little toes painted a glittery pink. His father was carrying a small pair of plastic, heeled slippers that must have once completed the outfit. There was what he thought must be chocolate smeared down the side of her face and a sticky, brown handprint on one sleeve.</p>
<p>Ben thought his heart was going to burst, and he wasn’t sure if it was from joy or sorrow. She was amazing but he’d missed out on <em>so</em> much. He didn’t even know her favorite food or ice cream or Disney princess.</p>
<p>He ran a shaky hand through his hair and tried to decide what the right answer would be. “Ah, I don’t know if your mother would like that, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“No, she said it’s okay and I could come with Grampa and ask you. PLEASE!” By the time she finished the ‘request’ she had already dragged him halfway to the door as his father just watched and laughed.</p>
<p>Mia insisted on sitting with him—what time she actually spent sitting, anyway. Every time a song started or a particularly energetic sequence began, she jumped up, ran to the center of the room, and danced or acted out the scene (complete with belting out the lyrics or reciting the dialogue for every character).</p>
<p>He was relieved to see the milkshake was tiny, and she didn’t get that or her popcorn until she’d eaten some dinner, including fresh fruit and vegetables. Unfortunately, that still wasn’t enough to combat the sugar intake and the excitement of the day and Mia was a whirlwind. At one point, Rey met his gaze, rolled her eyes, pointed to his mother, and mouthed <em>all her fault.</em></p>
<p>The inevitable energy crash came with wailing and tears, mixed with defiant screams and a hail of toys thrown around the room. He watched in a mix of confusion, terror, and awe as Rey picked her up, carried her into the corner, and sat down, wrapping her own arms and legs around the writhing, screaming child in an attempt to keep her from hurting herself or anyone else. His mother calmly shut off the television and cleared the snacks and drinks off the coffee table (and since when had food been allowed anywhere but the kitchen or dining room) as if this were a common occurrence.</p>
<p>He couldn’t hear what Rey was saying, but she kept up a steady stream of soft words until the screaming and attempts at biting, pinching, and scratching stopped. “Do you need a cuddle, now that you’ve calmed down?” he heard Rey ask, and Mia nodded, sniffling. Rey shifted, releasing Mia and his daughter turned around, wrapping her arms around Rey’s neck.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I threw my toys and said mean things.”</p>
<p>“I know, baby.” Rey kissed her forehead and stroked her hair. “I love you, Mia.”</p>
<p>“Love you, Mama.” Mia pulled away and Rey let her go. Ben kept watching as Mia crossed the room, apologizing to Grammy and Grampa, getting hugs and I love you’s in return, and then she climbed into his lap.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I was mean, Daddy.” She hugged him and whispered wetly against his neck, “Please don’t go away.” He pressed his cheek against her hair, tightened his hold on her, his hands covering her head and back.</p>
<p>“I’m not planning to,” he said softly, only realizing after he said it that she was already asleep.</p>
<p>Rey stood up, eyes suspiciously red-rimmed and puffy. “I should put her to bed, it was a big day.”</p>
<p>“I ah…can I have a few more minutes?”</p>
<p>She nodded, eyes going soft as she watched him cradle their daughter. “I…you could help, if you like? It’s, well, you should learn her routines, for this to work.”</p>
<p>He nodded and stood, following Rey up the stairs, intently <em>not</em> staring at her ass...or at least trying to pretend he wasn’t.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“You should tell her,” Bazine said.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ben stared up at her, confused (although in his defense there wasn’t exactly a lot of blood flow to his brain at the moment). His hands rested on her hips, idly caressing silky skin and black satin as she straddled his thighs in her underwear. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She was looking down at him, arms crossed and almost glaring. “Andor. You should tell her how you feel.”</em>
</p>
<p><em>“</em>Erso-<em>Andor,” he muttered. “And tell her what?”</em></p>
<p><em>Bazine grinned and leaned down, resting her hands on his chest. “See, you’re proving my point. </em>Erso<em>-Andor. You’re the only one allowed to tease her about her last name. You’re constantly trying to one up each other. And you </em>watch <em>her, Ben, all the time.”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t,” he said, sounding petulant even to his own ears.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Right, sure, of course not.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“This is weird.”</em>
</p>
<p><em>“What? Being in bed with your half-naked girlfriend while you both wait for </em>her<em> girlfriend to get here? That’s weird?”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>He shrugged. “Maybe a little bit. Not really a normal, healthy teenage relationship.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She snorted. “Not much about us is normal, Solo. Or healthy, for that matter.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He smiled then, before turning serious again. “But no, it’s weird that I’m in bed with my half-naked girlfriend and she’s calmly telling me that I have feelings for someone else and should tell that person.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Bazine shrugged, leaning down to drop a kiss on his lips with a smack. “You and I both know the only reason you call me your girlfriend is because we don’t have a word for the kind of friendship you and I have. We’re not really a couple, but we’re more than friends with benefits. We can’t be platonic soulmates because, well, sex. You love me, Ben, and I love you. We both know that. But we are not, nor have we ever been, IN LOVE.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She shifted over, settling beside him with her head on his chest, absently trailing the fingers of her right hand over his chest and abdomen. “You should tell her, Ben. You really should. I think she might be the one, your soulmate.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Please tell me you don’t believe in that ‘only one true love’ crap.”</em>
</p>
<p><em>She pinched his nipple and he yelped and swatted her hand away before rubbing at his bruised flesh. “Of course I do, Benny, I’m a sixteen-year-old girl. And I think Rey </em>Erso<em>-Andor is yours. She’s basically the female you.”</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“I thought opposites attracted?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Attract, yes. Work together for healthy, lasting relationships? Far less likely. No, you need commonality to be compatible.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’ve been reading your mom’s textbooks again.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What? It’s interesting. Unlike Trigonometry and Analytic Functions.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re just lazy,” he teased, tracing one hand lightly over her shoulder and arm.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That too,” she agreed, eyes closed and sighing as she fell asleep. He’d wake her when Kaydel arrived…Ben yawned…or maybe Kay would wake them both.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Ben woke with a groan, eyes still blurred with sleep. He hadn’t dreamed of Baz in months, if not years, but he had no doubt that being back home and finding out about Mia—not to mention seeing Rey again—was the reason.</p>
<p>He blinked a few times and ran a hand across his face, squinting at the clock on the nightstand. 7 AM. Ugh. Only half an hour before the alarm he’d set—why had he thought that was a good plan again—oh, right, breakfast with his mother…and his daughter.</p>
<p>Breakfast with Mia.</p>
<p>Suddenly the idea of getting up early was far more appealing.</p>
<p>He’d helped Rey put Mia to bed—okay, he’d mostly carried her up the stairs and then watched and handed Rey things. Rey had whispered which parts were normal routine, what was different, and what was missing (apparently there was usually a book and maybe a song as part of calming Mia down for bed, and it should have been bath night). He and Rey had talked for a few minutes more, surprisingly calmly, and then parted ways to head to bed.</p>
<p>Rey had told him, in no uncertain terms, that Mia was always her number one priority and if she thought for an instant that him being in her child’s life was detrimental in any way, he would never see them again, and if he ever hurt Mia in <em>any </em>way, no one would ever find all the pieces of his body. He wasn’t sure she’d been kidding about that. Motherhood had intensified the fierce protectiveness Rey had always demonstrated for people she cared about.</p>
<p>It was comforting, somehow.</p>
<p>He showered and dressed quickly, going through three pairs of jeans before finding one that sort of fit.</p>
<p>His mother and Mia were already up and in the kitchen together, staring intently into the pantry. “Ah, there it is!” His mother sounded triumphant as she grabbed whatever it was she’d been looking for.</p>
<p>“Good job, Grammy!” He couldn’t help laughing, at least until his mother turned to greet him and he saw what she was holding.</p>
<p>“We are not eating <em>that</em>!”</p>
<p>“There is nothing wrong with instant pancake mix, Ben.”</p>
<p>He didn’t even know where to begin arguing against that.</p>
<p>“I WANT PANCAKES!” Mia screamed. Ben and Leia both winced and his mother glared at him. It was a look that clearly said <em>this is all YOUR fault.</em></p>
<p>Ben felt the panic rising but pushed it down. Instead he just sighed and ran his hand through his hair, then poked his head into the pantry, rifling through the shelves until he found what he was looking for. He turned next to the refrigerator, knowing better than to hope for buttermilk but confident eggs and milk were still always on hand. He spotted some fruit and looked at his daughter, who had stopped screaming in favor of watching him curiously. “Mia, do you want blueberries in your pancakes?”</p>
<p>He took the cheering and clapping as a yes and turned with a laugh, putting his armful of ingredients on the counter. Mia chattered happily about pancakes, scrambled eggs, her favorite toys, which color LEGO set she liked best, and something that happened at some unspecified time at home.</p>
<p>Mia was perched on a stool watching him flip the pancakes, her lips and chin purple from the two handfuls of blueberries she’d grabbed and eaten, when Rey wandered into the kitchen. Her hair was damp, no make up, and he nearly dropped one of the pancakes on the floor at the sight of her.</p>
<p>“Mama! Daddy knows how to make <em>real</em> pancakes like Uncle Finn and Grandad! He even put in <em>blueberries!</em>”</p>
<p>“Hm, yes, I know, and I see you had some blueberries as well.” Mia giggled and slapped a hand over her mouth. Rey crossed the room and kissed Mia’s forehead before moving unerringly to the cabinet where coffee mugs and teacups were stored in neat rows, claiming a brightly patterned mug from the second shelf, and turning to the coffee maker. She was more at home in his mother’s kitchen—hell, the whole house—than he ever had been.</p>
<p>Ben turned his focus back to breakfast, glancing frequently over at Mia, partly because he was worried that she’d topple off the stool and partly because he just…wanted to see her.</p>
<p>Less than twenty-four hours prior he hadn’t known she existed. The shock certainly hadn’t worn off yet, and he kept having to reassure himself it wasn’t all some delusion. Anxiety kept trying to take over, make him reconsider jumping in with both feet, that little voice in the back of his head whispering she would be better off without him, that he only destroyed things. Fucker sounded a lot like Snoke, if he thought about it.</p>
<p>
  <em>Snoke.</em>
</p>
<p>Mia giggled from behind him, where she’d been seated with a plate of pancakes (no syrup) and a glass of milk. His father had come in at some point and was apparently pretending he was going to steal Mia’s plate. Based on the giggling from Mia and commentary from his mother, it must be a frequent game.</p>
<p>Ben smiled in spite of himself before frowning down at the last batch of pancakes on the griddle.</p>
<p>Snoke had <em>stolen</em> this from him.</p>
<p>He’d realized, lying in bed on the verge of sleep the previous night, that even if he hadn’t been aware, Snoke and his entire team of lawyers and publicists and random, assorted minions had been fully aware of Mia’s existence. Not to mention, fully aware that he <em>wasn’t</em>.</p>
<p>He wanted revenge.</p>
<p>Mia giggled again before calling out, cutting off his dark thoughts. “Daddy! Are you ready yet?”</p>
<p>“Almost.” He scooped up two of the pancakes, depositing them on top of the waiting stack. “Six more.”</p>
<p>“I can help count!” Mia yelled.</p>
<p>“Mini-princess, we’re all right here,” his father rumbled.</p>
<p>“Oh, SORRY,” she shouted, before whispering something none of them could hear.</p>
<p>Ben deposited the rest of the pancakes on the serving platter and switched off the stove. He picked it up and turned around, carrying breakfast to the table. His parents were distracted with Mia, seated in between them, but Rey was watching him with an odd look on her face—not sad, exactly, but a little wistful, maybe. When she realized he was looking at her, she turned away and the moment was gone.</p>
<p>After breakfast, his father had cleaned up—Han Solo, washing dishes <em>by hand</em>—it was another shocking reminder of how much things had changed while Ben was gone. Ben nursed his second cup of coffee after his father waved off his attempts to help, pointing out that Ben had done all the work of cooking.</p>
<p>“You’re brooding,” his father said, eyes training on the soapy juice glass he was washing. He just grunted in response. “Rey told us, what you said about Snoke and his lawyers.” Ben winced, steeling himself for the inevitable lecture. He was surprised when it didn’t come. Han rinsed the glass, placed it carefully in the draining rack, and braced his hands on the edge of the sink. “I…I’m sorry, son, for assuming the worst. I…some part of me always knew you were messed up, and it was probably my fault, at least partly.”</p>
<p>His father turned and looked up then, meeting his eyes as he continued, brokenly, “I should have been there, should have fought for you, pushed harder to see you when I…Luke and I, we came to some of your games, before Snoke had us blacklisted.”</p>
<p>Ben couldn’t speak, couldn’t react at all, really, just stared back at his father. “Rey, she’s a better parent than I ever was. When she came to tell us, your mother and me, about Mia, she was…a little scary.” Ben choked out a laugh. “She said it wasn’t fair not to tell us, and she’d like us to be in our grandchild’s life if we wanted, but she wasn’t going to allow it unless we, and I quote, <em>got our fucking shite together.</em>”</p>
<p>“That, ah, that does sound like her.”</p>
<p>Han nodded, studying him intently before speaking again. “You’re my son, and no matter how shitty I’ve been at showing it, I love you, Ben. But I need you to know that I love Mia too, and Rey, and if you <em>ever</em> hurt either of those girls again, Rey won’t get the chance to kill you because I’ll have already buried your body.”</p>
<p>Ben blinked a few times as his father calmly turned back to the sink, scrubbing at a plate as he whistled. “Understood.” He could hear Mia chattering in the next room, excitedly talking to his mother about shopping and something about riding a train. Ben paused in the doorway. “I ah, I love you too. And thanks.” It was his father’s turn to choke out a laugh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben was fairly certain the shopping trip was his mother’s revenge for everything he’d ever done wrong.</p>
<p>To anyone.</p>
<p>His entire life.</p>
<p>Shopping with his mother and daughter was exhausting. Actually, Mia was exhausting all on her own. By the time they had reached the first store his mother had insisted on dragging him into, Mia had thrown no fewer than three tantrums (the first because she <em>couldn’t</em> get into the stroller before it was unfolded, the second because she <em>had</em> to get into the stroller, and the third apparently because it was not, in fact, Halloween). His mother took it all in stride, shooting him a sly smile before commenting that at least Mia calmed down more quickly than he had at that age. He shook his head and followed behind her, arms weighed down with the bags of clothing she’d already purchased and being led to shop for even more.</p>
<p>As they passed the central plaza of the shopping center Mia shrieked and Ben finally understood why she kept talking about a train. The ride was in the middle of the plaza, operated by a man in striped overalls, and it looked like it must make a loop around the entire shopping center. His mother was already digging through her wallet for the two dollars for the ride tickets and Ben realized Mia was gazing up at him with pleading eyes and her lower lip stuck out in a pout. Without a word, his mother handed him $4 and pointed to the engineer.</p>
<p>He looked from the crisp ones in his hand to his mother and then down at Mia, who seemed to be drawing a breath for more wailing. Seeing his furrowed brow, his mother took pity. “It’s two dollars per rider. Children under six have to be accompanied by an adult or a sibling over 12. You ride with Mia. I’ll be here after.”</p>
<p>Mia shrieked with glee and he winced as his mother just calmly unbuckled the strap which (sort of) kept his child in the stroller. Mia demanded to be picked up, giggling when he did so.</p>
<p>He thought he heard his mother say “Welcome to fatherhood, I knew you’d be a natural,” but when he glanced back, she was staring down at her phone.</p>
<p>After the train ride came more shopping, lunch at the food court (another thing he would never have believed his mother would lower herself to do) and then even more shopping. Despite her efforts to resist, Mia fell asleep in the stroller just before his mother <em>finally</em> decided they were done for the day, muttering about ordering some more things online and calling her tailor. Ben didn’t bother to argue, knowing she would not be swayed.</p>
<p>Between the two of them, they managed to get all the bags and the sleeping four-year-old into the car without any serious injuries or—more importantly—waking Mia.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey and Mia stayed through Mia’s nap and Sunday night dinner before returning home, prompting a meltdown when she realized he wasn’t going with them. Ben stared, completely at a loss of what to do, but Rey just said calmly that they were going home and would “see Daddy at soccer practice tomorrow.” He could still hear Mia screaming as Rey guided her car down the long drive. He shook his head and sighed.</p>
<p>He wasn’t prepared for this, had no clue what he was doing.</p>
<p>“She’ll be fine.” Ben jumped and turned to find his mother standing behind him. “You will too,” she continued. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s a learning process. You only found out a little over 24 hours ago. Rey’s been doing this for four years now, and Jyn and Cassian are better parents than your father and I have been. Just watch them, you’ll learn.” She had her stoic mask in place, but he heard the hitch in her breath.</p>
<p>“You aren’t solely to blame, Mom. I wasn’t exactly easy to deal with.”</p>
<p>“No, but I should have been there when you needed me. Anyway, we’re learning too, and this grandparent thing isn’t so bad. I get to spoil Mia, sugar her up, and send her home.”</p>
<p>He almost managed a laugh at that. “That sounds a little evil.”</p>
<p>“Only a little.” She stepped forward, resting a hand lightly on his arm. “I know it’s hard right now, overwhelming, and I won’t pretend that will ever change, but Mia’s worth it.”</p>
<p>He nodded, silent, staring at the empty driveway. His mother gave his arm a pat and went back inside, but Ben stayed where he was for a while, thinking as the sky darkened. He wandered back to the pool house in the dark and frowned at the bed. The bags and boxes of new clothes and other “essentials” his mother insisted on covered the mattress. He tossed enough clothes for a couple of days in the washer and set about sorting the rest and bagging up the old things that no longer fit, intent on donating them (assuming anyone could or would use them). A few t-shirts ended up in a separate stack, mostly faded and soft with age and repeated washings.</p>
<p>Good for cleaning, loungewear, yard work…</p>
<p>Keeping them had nothing to do with the fact that they were the ones Rey used to wear to bed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Monday seemed interminably long. He woke before his alarm again, groaning as the sun streamed in through a crack in the blinds, slanting across his face. He hadn’t realized it at the time, but while he was shopping with his mother and Mia, Rey and his father had gone grocery shopping and stocked the pantry and refrigerator for him.</p>
<p>He suspected the abundance of fruits and vegetables was Rey’s doing, and he wasn’t sure if that was due to knowing his preference for real food or subtle revenge in the form of no sugar, salt, or fat.</p>
<p>His mother had some kind of volunteer commitment until mid-afternoon, and his father was nowhere to be found, so Ben continued his laundry and walked the property, reacquainting himself with his family home as he counted down the hours until he could meet Rey and Mia at the soccer fields.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The local youth soccer club had multiple fields in an area that was technically a flood plain and hadn’t been much use for anything else. He had agreed when Rey said he should meet them there, not wanting to push for more than she was willing to give as they both adjusted to major news and life changes.</p>
<p>He hadn’t realized they had teams for children as young as two (although that was apparently less ‘playing soccer’ than ‘fighting over the ball and falling in the grass). He also hadn’t realized Rey was one of the coaches.</p>
<p>Not Mia’s coach, though.</p>
<p>No, Rey had slightly older kids.</p>
<p>Mia’s coach was Snap fucking Wexley.</p>
<p>Ben clenched his jaw as Mia shrieked happily and raced over to hug the other man around the knees, chattering excitedly about shopping and trains and how she was going to be a mermaid when she grew up. Snap listened attentively, smiling over at Rey occasionally like they were sharing some kind of secret.</p>
<p>Rey had said they hadn’t been dating long, only a few weeks, and they weren’t serious, but Ben wasn’t sure he believed it. The way Snap was looking at her wasn’t casual. Ben’s hands clenched into fists and he could feel a definite twitch in the vicinity of his right eye. He looked away as Rey stepped in closer to Snap. Even if it were just a hug, he didn’t want to see it, couldn’t, really, not without reacting.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure what he wanted more at the moment, a drink or to punch Snap Wexley.</p>
<p>He heard Rey say something about getting back to her team and turned back around, surprised to find Snap standing nearby, shifting nervously from foot to foot. “I, ah, in all the excitement Saturday I didn’t get to talk to you,” Snap said, holding out a trembling hand. “I…it’s good to see you back in town. I’m glad you’re back, for Mia’s sake.”</p>
<p>Ben nodded and accepted the handshake. Emotions weren’t logical. He could be the bigger man.</p>
<p>Maybe.</p>
<p>After all, he’d done this to himself.</p>
<p>Mia’s laughter caught his attention and he looked up, unable to stop himself from smiling as she spun in circles with three other children—two girls and a boy—until they all collapsed into the grass. He glanced back at Snap and found the other man watching him seriously, but he didn’t say anything before turning to face the field and calling out that it was time to get started.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, everyone's still in shock and busy just reacting, which may be making them react in unexpected ways. Mia's picking up on their anxiety, causing even more meltdowns than usual. She's transitioning from Threenager to Fournado, y'all. </p>
<p>And don't freak out about Rey/Snap. This is Reylo HEA endgame but there must be angst...or something like that.</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5QBpSHlGLMjmrIPtGizcHc?si=mF88uGWPRf-HeIO02Ff2Aw">Field Goal Series Playlist</a>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ben has his first afternoon alone with Mia, and a huge change in Rey and Snap’s relationship threatens an unexpected impact on his own relationship with the mother of his child.</p><p>   <em>“Good plan, Daddy,” Rey said from beside him, and he jerked. Something about hearing REY say that was different from anyone else uttering the word. He turned to look at her, sure his eyes were too wide, but she was looking at Mia. “Mia Rose, you be nice to Daddy today.”</em></p><p>  <em>“I will, Mama. Me and Daddy are gonna play and have juice and watch princess movies.”</em></p><p>  <em>“I see. Well that sounds like fun, but you listen too, and if Daddy says no then that’s it.” Rey turned to Ben. “Are you sure you’re okay? My parents are free all day, and yours have lunch plans but that’s all.”</em></p><p>  <em>He nodded, smiled. “No, absolutely not, but I think we’ll survive.” </em></p><p>   <em>Rey smiled, a real smile. “I admire the honesty. You’ll be fine.” </em></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I had intended at least 1-2 additional flashback scenes for this chapter but it ran too long so those will be in a future chapter.</p><p>Um, also, Mia is potty training and accidents happen, so be warned.</p><p>CW/TW: stashed alcohol, binge drinking by a character other than Ben</p><p>   <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5QBpSHlGLMjmrIPtGizcHc?si=mF88uGWPRf-HeIO02Ff2Aw">Field Goal Series Playlist</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d been home one week when he “ran into” Hux at the coffee shop on Main Street. Mia’s soccer game was at the ungodly hour of 8 AM on Saturday, which meant Ben had been up by 6. He’d (been) volunteered to bring coffee and muffins for the coaches and a few parents of the youngest players. The two, three, and four-year-old teams would play on adjacent fields at 8, with the older children immediately after, ending with the pre-teen teams some time around lunch. Apparently, the specific time depended on how long each previous game ran. According to Rey, there had been times that the final games were still happening at 4 PM.</p><p>He was just glad he didn’t have to stay the entire time. At least not this first week. Rey would be there until after the final games, as would Snap. Usually his parents or Rey’s took Mia home with them until Rey was finished for the day. This time, however, Ben was the responsible party.</p><p>His first afternoon with Mia without Rey or his parents there in the room to step in if anything happened. He was <em>terrified</em>.</p><p>He’d checked Mia’s car seat to be sure it was properly strapped into his mother’s car (even though it hadn’t been removed at any point). He’d cleaned the pool house almost obsessively, and in a blind panic insisted his mother go with him to the grocery store at 8 PM Friday night to ensure he had the right brand of yogurt and that the fruit he had wasn’t too sour or a choking hazard or something she was allergic to and no one had thought to tell him.</p><p>His mom had been a good sport about it all, not even laughing at him more than three times as she reminded him that she and his father would be there in the main house the whole time.</p><p>That wasn’t the point though.</p><p>One week. That was all it had taken for Mia to become the most important person in his life.</p><p>
  <em>Ever.</em>
</p><p>Not even a week, really only a matter of hours. That first night, when she had begged him not to go away and then fallen asleep in his arms, he’d realized he would die for her in a heartbeat. Hell, he was pretty sure he’d throw his own father off a bridge if it meant saving Mia from a skinned knee.</p><p>Anyway, that was for later. At the moment he had about a dozen special coffee orders, an urn of whatever the house blend was, and a basket of pastries to pick up for Rey and the other coaches. Fortunately, she had kindly placed the order ahead of time for him, and all Ben had to do was pay and get it all to the fields.</p><p>When he opened the door and stepped inside Beckett’s Coffee Corner (affectionately known to locals as The Smugglers’ Den, after the old, run-down bar the Becketts had converted and remodeled when Tobias had quit drinking), he paused, surprised to find the only other customer at the current hour was Armitage Hux. He’d seen the man at Mia’s party, out in the crowd, but the two hadn’t spoken.</p><p>It hit him all at once just how much he’d missed Hux. He’d been the closest thing to a best friend Ben had ever had (not counting Bazine or Rey…he was pretty sure people he’d had sex with were in a slightly different category than “best friends”). The other man looked up at him, then turned away, tension vibrating along the ramrod straight line of his spine, radiating from his squared shoulders. The air in the small shop seemed suddenly thicker, harder to breathe.</p><p>“Hux,” he said, stepping up beside the man.</p><p>“Solo,” he hissed, crossing his arms, and determinedly looking anywhere other than at Ben as he waited for his order, collecting it, and storming out the door when his name was called.</p><p>Well, that had gone…better than expected.</p><p>Ben stepped up to the counter, as the woman there smiled and pushed two large, sturdy cardboard boxes at him. She wore a nametag with VAL in big, loopy letters he recognized as her husband’s surprisingly neat script, and surrounded by hearts and flowers. “You know we can deliver this, right?” she said as he handed over the new debit card his mother had shoved at him two days prior.</p><p>“Ah, yeah, I was informed that the delivery fee was ‘exorbitant extortion’ and ‘plain old highway robbery’ and that I am not allowed to choose that option.”</p><p>“Rey and your father?”</p><p>“Exactly right.”</p><p>Val leaned forward as she handed him the receipt and a pen, whispering conspiratorially, “Your mom pays delivery anyway, and tips extra.”</p><p>He almost laughed. “That I believe.” He did some quick mental math and added in what he hoped was a generous tip before sliding the slip of thermal paper and cheap ballpoint pen back over. “I’ll take this and come back for the second box,” he said, lifting the first of the cartons.</p><p>“Oh, here, wait one second,” she said, disappearing into the back. He heard voices and an older man came back out with her, coming around the counter and grabbing the second box. “There’s a cake pop in there for Mia,” Val called from behind him as Ben followed her husband out the door.</p><p>After both boxes were situated and not likely to fall or slide around, Ben turned to thank the man and found him holding out a paper bag with a grin. “More cake pops,” he said, “one for you and one for Mia. I hear this is going to be your first day alone with her. I think you’ll need them.” Ben accepted the bag with a thanks and a handshake. “You tell that little girl Uncle Toby misses her.” He nodded and folded himself into the car as the man turned and went back inside. Ben met his own eyes in the rearview mirror with a rueful head shake. Tobias Beckett as “Uncle Toby” was about as unbelievable as, well, as Ben Solo being the father of a preschooler, and Han Solo the smuggler as a doting Grampa. Mia was just magic, that was the only explanation.</p><p> </p><p>Despite the wait at the coffee shop, he’d been early enough to arrive at the fields just as the first few families were pulling into the parking lot. Rey and Snap were leaning against Rey’s car and talking as they watched Mia play safely in the grass a few feet away. He ground his teeth as he parked beside Rey, Snap waving and coming over to help unload things. “Thanks so much for doing this today,” Snap said, practically bouncing around like an energetic puppy.</p><p>Morning person energy. Ugh.</p><p>He let Snap claim the first box, hefting the second and following him over to the long table set up with cups, clear plastic boxes for the packets of cream and sugar, and napkins. He had to get over this territorial dislike for the other man. Mia adored him, Rey seemed to like him, and he was going out of his way to be kind to Ben in an extremely tense and awkward situation. If only it were about logic, it would be so simple.</p><p>By eight, the few stands of benches for spectators were full of parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and older siblings, with even more in folding chairs or seated on spread quilts in the grass around the fields.</p><p>Mia had her very own cheering section, comprised of Ben’s parents, Jyn and Cassian, Finn, Kaydel and a woman she introduced as her fiancée Jannah, Chewie, Hux and Rose, his mother’s best friend Amilyn Holdo, and a few other people Ben recognized but couldn’t name offhand. He did a double take when Maz Kanata walked over and squeezed in beside Chewie, practically in the tall man’s lap. Huh, guess they were on again…</p><p>The game was an exercise in organized chaos. No one went the right direction, three times half the players (including Mia) got distracted by a butterfly, and at one point they lost two players to a small patch of dandelions—at least until a bumblebee flew by and they ran screaming to their parents. Still, there was some actual game play, and at one point, Mia made an impressive kick, her little face scrunched in determination. She looked <em>exactly</em> like her mother in that moment, and he was thankful once again that she’d only gotten his ears and not his nose as well. Those ears, incidentally, which were showcased by the stray curls pulling loose from the twin French braids down the back of her head. He shook his head.</p><p>
  <em>Perfect.</em>
</p><p>He wasn’t certain which team had won the game, but it was fun to watch, and as one of the parents opened a cooler and distributed juice boxes to both teams there were cheers and shrieks of joy from most of the children, save those crying because the apple juice was the wrong brand or the straws were the wrong color.</p><p>Fortunately, Mia was not one of those children—this time.</p><p>She was more preoccupied with hugging and kissing everyone who had come to see her play and recounting her adventures chasing the blue butterflies to Chewie and her Uncle Finn, before moving to Hux (Uncle Armie? Really? And he seemed to like the name) and Rose and repeating the story again as if they weren’t sitting right beside Finn and listening the first time. They even gasped and uttered surprised sounds at the appropriate moments and he was startled when Rose brushed a stray curl from Mia’s eye, tucking the hair behind her ear (for the moment) and the sun glinted off an impressive engagement ring on her hand.</p><p>Another thing he’d missed. Ben felt a deep ache as he watched his <em>family</em> like an outsider. He’d spent so long resenting his parents and uncle not being the family he needed and wanted them to be, he had completely ignored the family he built around himself. And (with the exception of Poe Dameron) here they all were, gathered around the light that was his daughter.</p><p>And he wasn’t a part of it.</p><p>Mia turned then, grinning at him and running full tilt, arms out as she shrieked “DADDY!” He braced himself and bent down to catch her before she slammed into him as fast as she could go. He’d learned the hard way that she couldn’t stop herself, and the top of her head was almost exactly the same height as some rather delicate parts of his anatomy. Just his luck, his height was apparently one of the other physical attributes she had inherited.</p><p>“Daddy, Daddy, can we have grilled cheese and go swimming? I have my dollies in the car, and Mama said I can stay tonight if you and Grammy and Grampa say I can and I saw the butterflies. Jordan’s afraid of bees, cuz he’s <em>‘llergic </em>but I’m not scared. Can I have more juice?”</p><p>“How about water first, and then maybe juice if you eat your lunch?” She pouted but didn’t melt down, so he counted that as a win.</p><p>“Good plan, Daddy,” Rey said from beside him, and he jerked. Something about hearing REY say that was different from anyone else uttering the word. He turned to look at her, sure his eyes were too wide, but she was looking at Mia. “Mia Rose, you be nice to Daddy today.”</p><p>“I will, Mama. Me and Daddy are gonna play and have juice and watch princess movies.”</p><p>“I see. Well that sounds like fun, but you <em>listen</em> too, and if Daddy says no then that’s it.” Rey turned to Ben. “Are you sure you’re okay? My parents are free all day, and yours have lunch plans but that’s all.”</p><p>He nodded, smiled. “No, absolutely not, but I think we’ll survive.”</p><p>Rey smiled, a real smile. “I admire the honesty. You’ll be fine.”</p><p>He opened his mouth and froze, forgetting what he’d been planning to say as a flood of warmth ran down his side, drenching his shirt and the top of his jeans, and his expression changed into one of horror.</p><p>“Oops! I’m sorry I’m sorry I didn’t mean to! I had an accident.” Mia burst into tears and he adjusted his grip, wincing as that resulted in a new wet spot soaking through his shirt from her sodden clothing.</p><p>“I know, Princess, I know.” He cradled the back of her head in one hand as she sobbed into his shoulder.</p><p>Rey had slapped a hand over her mouth, tears streaming and making little choking sounds in her failed attempts to hold back the laughter. Once she managed to catch her breath, she attempted to school her features into a more sympathetic expression. “Ah, I have spare clothes for Mia in the car, and I think maybe a towel, too. Come on. Snap’s covering my team while I see you off, anyway.” Ben nodded and followed Rey, Mia unusually quiet in his arms.</p><p>With Mia in dry clothes (this time with disposable training pants ‘just in case’) and Ben toweled off as well as he could, Ben drove carefully away from the soccer fields. Mia chattered non-stop the first ten minutes or so, then fell completely silent. A glance in the rear-view mirror reassured him she was fine, just sleeping, and he made the rest of the drive home in silence, trying not to worry about the afternoon.</p><p>Mia woke up as he guided the car onto the gravel of the drive. He still didn’t understand exactly why his parents hadn’t ever had it paved, but he kind of liked it. Everything else had changed, but the driveway and the gate code remained, like anchor points to prove this was still his world, he just needed to find his place in it again.</p><p>He got Mia settled with a cartoon episode and her water cup as he ducked into the bedroom to change into dry clothes of his own. She wanted to swim, so he went with the new trunks his mother had insisted he would need and a random t-shirt, figuring it would save a step later, and recalling that patience was not something a four year old would have mastered.</p><p>Mia hadn’t moved, absorbed in her show and cuddling a weird, pillow-like doll that was apparently supposed to look like him in the red and black Knights of Ren uniform. Apparently, it was her comfort object and she wouldn’t sleep without it. She blinked up at him sleepily. Between the distractions during the game, the further delay getting Mia cleaned up and into dry clothes, and the half hour drive to get home, it was already after 11, and per Rey, Mia hadn't eaten since her breakfast just after 6. “Are you hungry?”</p><p>She nodded and reached up for him, dropping the doll on the couch as he lifted her into his arms. “Can we still have grilled cheese?”</p><p>“Hm, maybe. Do you think you can help me?”</p><p>Mia looked up at him, eyes wide. “I’m not allowed to go to the stove.”</p><p>“No, definitely not, but you can pick what kind of cheese.” Absently he kissed her forehead as he carried her to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, digging through the drawer and pulling out a selection of sliced cheeses from the deli and grabbing the butter from the door. It would be easier if he could put Mia down first, but she was calm and he didn’t really want to let her go.</p><p>He returned to the refrigerator thinking he’d grab some fruit to go with their sandwiches when Mia gasped in delight and pointed to the vegetables in the other crisper drawer.</p><p>“Daddy, can I have cucumbers? And peppers and some leaves?”</p><p>“Leaves?”</p><p>“Yeah! Like the dinosaurs!” she said, tapping the container of baby spinach he’d grabbed thinking he’d make a salad one night, or possibly sauté some for an omelet.</p><p>“Okay, sounds good to me.”</p><p>She clapped her hands and squirmed to be put down, grabbing a bell pepper and cucumber and carrying them to the counter near the knife block and cutting board. “You have to wash them, and grown ups do the knives,” she said imperiously, pointing at the vegetables just above her head. He shook his head and smiled as she climbed into a chair, settling in to supervise his actions, at least until his cell phone went off, playing a familiar tune Rey had suggested he download. “POTTY TIME!” Mia shrieked, sliding to the floor and running to the bathroom.</p><p>After the morning’s accident, Rey had suggested he set an hourly timer so Mia wouldn’t forget as she had in her excitement after the game. It was what they did at home, and apparently the pre-school where Mia was enrolled did something similar.</p><p>There were no more accidents that day, and lunch was somewhat successful (although he had to remake Mia’s sandwich twice after she pronounced the first one was ‘too messy’ and the second ‘too dark on the back’). She’d eaten the vegetables requested and then picked at her sandwich until a vague childhood memory occurred to him and he cut it into small triangles. She’d had a bit of a tantrum when he decided she needed a nap before they went swimming, but when he agreed to read her two stories she relented, digging two battered picture books out of her bag and snuggling into his side on the bed.</p><p>He knew the two stories well. They’d been his favorites as a child, and he’d searched old boxes in storage for three hours on Tuesday morning until he’d found them. He’d stopped at the small bookstore in town that afternoon, adding three others that his mother was fairly certain Mia didn’t already have before showing up at Rey’s small house for Mia’s birthday dinner.</p><p>It had been the three of them, Snap, and Finn (who apparently lived with Rey and Mia) and Ben had been surprised at how well his gift had gone over with both Rey and Mia. Snap had been surprisingly quiet and said his goodbyes when it was time for Mia to go to bed, claiming he was tired and had to be up extra early. In addition to coaching Mia’s soccer team, Snap Wexley was also an elementary school teacher—kindergarten, to be exact—and was apparently the most popular teacher in the county.</p><p>It was getting harder and harder to hate him.</p><p>Ben shook his head, staring down at his sleeping child and thinking once again that it all seemed unreal. He yawned and leaned back against the pillows, thinking he’d just close his eyes for a moment then go clean up their lunch and maybe start some laundry while she napped.</p><p>He woke up two hours later to Mia poking him in the face and speaking in what she seemed to <em>think</em> was a whisper that it was time to get up and swim. He laughed and tickled her ribs, wincing as she shrieked in laughter.</p><p>There was a momentary setback when she realized they had to wait long enough for sunblock to soak in, resulting in what his father apparently called a “Mia Moment”—an utter loss of control tantrum that ended as suddenly as it began, as if once she just got it out she was fine, like a boiling kettle whistling until it was removed from heat and opened.</p><p>They were in the pool when Rey arrived, Snap following her with a stack of boxes from the best pizza place in town. Mia was splashing happily in her arm floaties and never out of Ben’s reach—or sight, as he pretended to be shocked and appalled every time she threw water his way, rewarded with delighted shrieks. Mia whined, drawing a breath for a scream when she realized it was time to get out of the pool, and he lifted her quickly, holding her above his head as he climbed the pool steps. The screams turned quickly to a giggle as she looked at Rey “Look, Mama, I’m flying!”</p><p>“Uh oh, I think you’re crashing!” Ben said, lowering her quickly, keeping his grip firm but moving at a pace that Mia felt like she was falling.</p><p>Rey shot him an impressed look as she held out a towel and took Mia from him, wrapping her up in the Egyptian cotton terry cloth. Ben grabbed his own towel, soaking up the worst of the water and scrubbing at his hair before looking back up. Rey was staring at him, lips parted. “What?”</p><p>She shook her head. “Nothing, sorry, just thinking.” She turned toward the pool house, muttering something about getting Mia dressed. Ben watched her go in confusion, towel still in hand. He glanced over as movement drew his attention. Oh, right. Wexley.</p><p>Snap was staring at him, eyes narrowed in concentration, before glancing at the door to the pool house and then nodding to himself. “I’m just gonna…” he trailed off, nodding at the kitchen door of the main house and lifting the pizza boxes.</p><p>Ben watched him go, still standing there when Mia and Rey came back out of the pool house, Mia whining because Rey had taken her hair down (as Mia had insisted it was ‘too tight’ once it got wet). They approached him on the pool deck. “Are you going to join us? We brought enough for everyone. Your mother was supposed to tell you we were coming but I think we got here right behind them.”</p><p>“Long lunch,” he commented and she laughed.</p><p>“Little bit. I think they went to the movies with Maz and Chewie, a double date.”</p><p>Ben made a face and she laughed again. “I think it’s sweet, that your folks are dating again.”</p><p>“They aren’t your parents,” he mumbled, face twisting again. “Anyway, I’ll be up in a bit. Gonna grab a shower and change.”</p><p>She was giving him that look again, the one he couldn’t quite decipher, but he liked it. A lot.</p><p>Rey nodded and let Mia lead her to the house, his little girl calling back over her shoulder for him to hurry up.</p><p> </p><p>He yawned as he crossed the back yard. Dinner had been…less awkward than expected, and they managed to all be civil—even friendly—for a little while after, but then after Rey and Snap left, Mia hadn’t gone to sleep easily, demanding (and managing to get) an extra bedtime story from Ben as well as both his parents, three rounds of good night hugs and kisses, a second cup of water, and two bathroom trips before she practically passed out in his lap. He thought again about his mother’s suggestion that he move into one of the guest rooms near Mia’s room in the main house. After all, if she was going to be there more often with him, it made sense she be close by, and the pool house only had one bedroom.</p><p>He wasn’t quite sure he could live in the same house with his parents, though. Things were vastly improved since he’d moved out back as a kid, but there was always going to be some tension between them. Besides, this arrangement wouldn’t be permanent. He just needed to figure out next steps.</p><p>Ben paused in front of the glass paned French doors. He didn’t remember leaving the lamp on in the main room. Wait…why was Rey still there?</p><p>He opened the door and stepped in, and she turned, bottle in one hand and glass of ice cubes in the other. “I found your stash,” she said, “Hope you don’t mind.” She turned the bottle (already about a quarter empty) up over the glass, laughing as some of the liquid ran down her hand and dripped to the tile and rug below. “Whoops!” She put the bottle on the coffee table, swaying a bit as she stood up and raised the glass in a mocking toast before gulping down half of it. He winced but she just smacked her lips and looked at him.</p><p>“Rey, why are you still here, and where’s Wexley?”</p><p>“Dunno,” she slurred, liquid sloshing dangerously high in the glass. “Assume home. He ended it, broke up with me.” She knocked back a smaller gulp, still getting at least half of what remained. “He seems to think there’s someone else.”</p><p>“Why would he think that, Rey? If he believes that then he clearly doesn’t deserve you anyway. You aren’t like that.”</p><p>“Tha’s wha I said,” she mumbled. “But noooo, he said I’m gypsh…egypsh…Egyptian! You know…denial.” The swaying increased. She paused, seeming to regain some control again. “Said I never moved on, never tried. Do you think I haven’t tried, Bennnnnn? I have. I’ve been—dates. Your own mother set me up once. I’ve flirted, kissed someone elses.” She tipped the glass back, nearly finishing the contents. The flush on her cheeks was increasing. “But never more, never went farther, because it never felt <em>right</em>!” She threw her arms wide, the ice and remaining liquid in the glass slopping onto the edge of the couch. “An’ you know why? DO YOU?”</p><p>He didn’t answer, wasn’t sure she even really wanted him to answer, but he shook his head slowly, side to side. She took that for what it was, stumbling forward a step and pointing menacingly at him.</p><p>“Because it wasn’t you. There’s only ever been you, only ever <em>BE</em> you, Ben <em>fucking</em> Solo! AND YOU LEFT ME! Tossed me aside, walked away, ‘bandoned puppy. Jus’ like I was nothing…nothing to you, refuse, and I wasn’t even worth the effort to bin me.” She snorted and hiccupped.</p><p>Her hand clenched on the glass and for a moment he thought she was going to throw it at him. She didn’t though. No, Rey didn’t throw the glass at him. What she did was so much worse, hurt so much more. Rey put the glass down gently on the coffee table.</p><p>And then she cried.</p><p>She buried her face in her hands and gave in to the great, wracking sobs she’d been fighting off. He took a step, reached out cautiously with one hand, barely touching her shoulder. She jerked away but managed not to fall. Ben lowered his hand, but he didn’t move away. He stood there, within reach if and when she decided to hit him again and waited for what seemed like forever.</p><p>She didn’t hit him.</p><p>She leaned in, slowly at first, practically collapsing against him when she realized he wasn’t moving away. She’d quieted but as his arms gently encircled her, the sobs began anew. He thought she might be talking too, but the sounds, the vowels and the consonants and the syllables, were swallowed up by her pain. Both of them shook with the force of her crying, until finally there were no tears left, just a few hiccupping sobs, then a gasp, and stuttering breaths. Even then, she let him hold her, face buried in his shirt.</p><p>“Why did you leave me, Ben?” she whispered into his chest. “What did I do wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing, Rey, you didn’t ever do anything wrong. You’re perfect.” He wasn’t sure she heard him, didn’t know if she understood the words he whispered against her hair, but it felt good to say it.</p><p>She swayed in his arms again, groaning as she pulled away. “Oh, I’m feeling rather poorly,” she muttered before slapping a hand over her mouth and running to the bedroom and then the bathroom beyond in the closest she could manage to a straight line. He winced at the dying velociraptor shrieks coming from the bathroom and crossed to the kitchenette, grabbing some waters and a bottle of pain killers before following her, pausing long enough to place them on the nightstand.</p><p>She protested when he stepped into the bathroom and retrieved a washcloth, holding it under the cool tap before kneeling beside her on the floor and gently wiping down her face and neck. “You’re really going to regret this in the morning,” he whispered. She groaned and let her head drop onto his arm. “Can you stand?”</p><p>“Mmmm…nope. ‘m good here, nice and cool,” she said, shifting away from Ben and attempting to stretch out on the tile floor.</p><p>“Come on, hellcat, let’s get you to bed,” he said, standing before bending down to tug her to her feet.</p><p>“Dinner first,” she muttered, swaying dangerously once again. “Haven’t done <em>that </em>since you either.”</p><p>It was Ben’s turn to groan. He’d been trying to ignore that previously unspecified detail from her earlier rant. He managed to scoop her up into his arms, freezing at her distressed whine in case she was going to be sick again. The moment passed, and he navigated his way carefully to the bedroom, depositing her on top of the covers and moving to the foot of the bed to untie her shoes and tug them off. There was an extra blanket folded over the desk chair from Mia’s afternoon nap and he spread it over his child’s mother, resisting the urge to kiss her forehead the way he had with Mia only an hour ago. Rey didn’t seem to be too bad off, not to the point he was worried about alcohol poisoning or her not waking up if she vomited (and she apparently still didn’t sleep on her back, either), so he grabbed two pillows from his side of the bed and carried them to the couch before claiming an extra blanket from the linen closet. He doubted she would appreciate waking up to him beside her, and honestly, he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to behave himself if she wrapped around him in sleep the way she used to, so the couch it was.</p><p>He did take the time to clean up the ice cubes and the small puddle of whiskey, thankful the couch was sealed leather so that he didn’t have to worry about waiting for the cushions to dry. He was exhausted, and he needed to be up when Mia woke. He’d promised her pancakes again, strawberry this time, and he had no doubt she would drag one or both of his parents to find him when she woke up and wanted breakfast.</p><p>Best he be awake before then. Especially as he expected Rey would be hungover and completely miserable, not the best for dealing with an energetic four-year-old.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So...that happened. I had anticipated this dragging on a few weeks (if not months) but, well, Mia is stubborn and her parents are soulmates after all so...</p><p>We're not at the end yet, though. This story is probably going to be longer than Scrimmage and Fumble, despite my initial hope of keeping all three of them at four chapters each. Poe should be showing up shortly, and we haven't seen the end of Snap Wexley, but he won't be a "bad guy" - the man is the most popular kindergarten teacher in the county, after all.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ben, Mia, and Rey begin to settle into a routine, Mia catches a stomach virus, and Rey makes what may be an unwise decision.</p><p> <em>Rey didn’t surface until nearly lunch time, freshly showered and wearing one of his old, faded t-shirts over her jeans. It was the one that had always been her favorite, actually, the black one she had slept in most often during those few precious months when she didn’t hate him.<br/>She saw him staring and then looked down at herself, eyes widening and mouth forming a little o of surprise.<br/>“Sorry, I didn’t think it…I…mine smells like sweat and liquor and I…”<br/>“It’s…fine, Rey. Just surprised me, is all.”<br/>“Me too,” she said softly, before shaking her head and following the sounds of Mia’s excited commentary on whatever cartoon she was watching with her Grampa. </em></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Multiple (short) flashbacks in this chapter, one from high school, one from college, and one that technically would have taken place in the previous chapter but I cut and moved into a related scene here.</p><p>Flashback passages are in <em>italics</em>.</p><p>Thank you all again for the support for this story. It's gotten a little bigger than I anticipated but we are getting there.</p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5QBpSHlGLMjmrIPtGizcHc?si=mF88uGWPRf-HeIO02Ff2Aw">Field Goal Series Playlist</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben woke up (again) five minutes before his alarm. Rey had been…restless, despite the amount of alcohol in her system and the emotional upheaval of her day. He was fairly certain she was having nightmares, and every time she cried out, he found himself snapping awake to check in on her.</p><p>It was his fault.</p><p>All of it.</p><p>Oh, he was more than willing to share the blame with Snoke, but Ben harbored no illusions that he made his own choices.</p><p>As much as it had hurt to think Rey had moved on, finding out she <em>hadn’t </em>been able to had been worse.</p><p>He’d told her once, that he broke everything he touched. He’d certainly proven that with Rey. He crossed his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling a little longer, finally heaving himself off the couch when the back up alarm went off on his phone.</p><p>
  <em>Shower.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pancakes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Entertain Mia.</em>
</p><p>That was what he needed to do with his morning, not mope on the couch and fantasize about all the ways he wished he could destroy Snoke and what he would or would not change if he could just go back 5 years.</p><p>As he passed quietly through the bedroom and into the bathroom, Ben glanced over at Rey, finally sleeping peacefully, and added another item to his to do list for the morning.</p><p>
  <em>Talk to Rey.</em>
</p><p>Of course, thinking of Rey reminded him of last night, which in turn reminded him of one more thing he absolutely had to do.</p><p>
  <em>Get rid of the liquor stash.</em>
</p><p>He hadn’t actually intended to drink it (at least he didn’t <em>think</em> so), but he had wanted to. It had been a particularly low moment, when he’d raided the liquor cabinet in the main house, grabbing new bottles of whiskey, scotch, and vodka and tucking them away in the cabinets of the pool house.</p><p>The next day any other alcohol in the house had been gone, but his parents never said a word about the missing bottles.</p><p>Ben finished washing quickly, but then lingered over drying off and getting dressed, at least until he realized he was doing it…and why.</p><p>Rey needed space, not him hovering over her like some giant, guilty cloud.</p><p>He was surprised no one was up yet when he reached the main house and began pulling the ingredients he needed out of the pantry and refrigerator. He’d been prepared this time and had a small carton of buttermilk for the pancakes. He’d barely begun rinsing, capping, and slicing the strawberries to go on top of the pancakes when he heard Mia calling out from upstairs.</p><p>“Hello? Is anyone there yet?” He grabbed a dish towel, drying his hands and stepping into the living room, heading for the foot of the stairs.</p><p>“Good morning, Princess Mia.”</p><p>“Good morning, Daddy!” She started down the stairs, looked at him, and froze.</p><p>“What do we need to do before you come downstairs?” he prompted, taking the stairs two at a time. No need to let Mia know he’d nearly forgotten himself.</p><p>“Oops, I forgot! Potty time and brush my teeth.” She ran back down the hallway to the guest bathroom, well, <em>her</em> bathroom now, in the main house and he followed, shaking his head. <em>This child.</em></p><p> </p><p>Mia perched on a stool and watched him cook, swiping strawberries from the bowl while Ben pretended not to notice.</p><p>His mother wandered in while he was flipping the second batch of pancakes on the griddle.</p><p>“Good morning, Grammy!” Mia shouted.</p><p>“Hi baby,” Leia managed to mumble, ruffling Mia’s hair before slipping past Ben with an absent pat on his back. He stiffened, nearly dropping the spatula. “Sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean to startle you.”</p><p>He winced at the pain in her voice, not sure what to say or do. How did one explain to their until-recently-estranged mother that he didn’t know how to deal with casual, affectionate touches because it wasn’t something he’d ever been exposed to? Not until the Erso-Andor family had come along, anyway.</p><p>Mia shifted on the stool, yelping as it rocked and Ben’s left hand shot out, steadying her absently as he scooped up another pancake and dropped it on the waiting stack. His mother made a sound and he turned, confused at the look on her face. All she did say was “Don’t burn your breakfast, son,” before sipping at her coffee. Ben nodded and pulled his attention back to the stove and his chattering child.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He flinched. Every time. He knew they noticed, saw the looks Finn and Armitage exchanged, the angry set of Rey’s jaw, the way Jyn and Cassian tensed and added a little more weight or an extra pat when they brushed past or put a friendly hand on his arm or shoulder.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He couldn’t help it. The only person who’d ever bothered with casually affectionate touches was Baz.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, God, Baz…</em>
</p><p><em>How? How was he supposed to do this? How was he going to </em>survive <em>it? He sucked in a ragged breath, sure that he was going to lose it again and terrified of losing control in the Erso-Andor home. He could destroy his own stuff, sure, but someone else’s?</em></p><p>
  <em>Rey’s?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That…just, no…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked around desperately, needing a distraction. Jyn happened to be walking by and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder as she passed, giving him a light squeeze and a soft smile.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He managed not to jump that time, letting his head dip in a nod of acknowledgement, maybe even thanks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rey was watching him again. She seemed angry. </em>
</p><p><em>She seemed angry every time one of her parents touched him, but the way her eyes softened and her face relaxed just after made him think she wasn’t angry at </em>him. <em>Could she really be angry on his behalf?</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>Rey didn’t surface until nearly lunch time, freshly showered and wearing one of his old, faded t-shirts over her jeans. It was the one that had always been her favorite, actually, the black one she had slept in most often during those few precious months when she didn’t hate him.</p><p>She saw him staring and then looked down at herself, eyes widening and mouth forming a little o of surprise.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t think it…I…mine smells like sweat and liquor and I…”</p><p>“It’s…fine, Rey. Just surprised me, is all.”</p><p>“Me too,” she said softly, before shaking her head and following the sounds of Mia’s excited commentary on whatever cartoon she was watching with her Grampa. He let her go, wondering what she’d been thinking—what she’d <em>almost </em>said—before shaking her head and leaving the room.</p><p>What had <em>she </em>been surprised about?</p><p> </p><p>It was…not a great afternoon.</p><p>Already having a bit of a day, Mia refused to nap. According to Rey (and his parents), that was happening more frequently. She certainly hadn’t outgrown the <em>need </em>for a nap, but her stubborn opposition to it overrode that need.</p><p>His father was the first to disappear, mumbling that he was going to “check in with Chewie” and just…never coming back. His mother excused herself to “take something for her head” and also failed to reappear. Then Rey…well—after the third time his child slapped her in the face—Rey lost her temper and snapped at Mia, started to cry as soon as she realized she had raised her voice, and ran from the room.</p><p>That set Mia off again and he just stared at her a moment, completely at a loss for what to do.</p><p>Once Rey got herself together and came back into the living room, Ben took one look at her pale, puffy face and red eyes and sent her off to bed in the upstairs guest room.</p><p>So really, when he found himself alone with a screaming, kicking, biting banshee in place of Mia, he’d done it to himself.</p><p>Needing a change of scenery (and desperately grasping for anything that might help) he picked Mia up (which proved far more difficult than he had anticipated) and carried her squirming form out the back door. She tried to jerk out of his hold, resulting only in turning herself upside down, and it was like flipping a switch. She went quiet, took a deep breath, and then he heard the tiniest of giggles. Ben paused, looking down as she stretched out her arms and swung them lightly.</p><p>“Careful, there, if I fall on you, we might both break.” She giggled again and he adjusted his grip, in hopes of being less likely to actually trip and fall (he hadn’t actually been kidding about the possibility, especially with his knee). He didn’t keep her upside down for long, knowing it couldn’t be healthy, but he filed the effect away for future reference.</p><p>Based on how the day had gone up until that point, Ben knew better than to try and do anything that would keep her still. “Hey Mia, should we go for a walk in the woods?”</p><p>“What about snakes?”</p><p>“We’ll wear good shoes and be careful where we step so we don’t scare or hurt them, and then they won’t have to try and bite us. What do you think?”</p><p>She thought about it, <em>really </em>considered it for a moment. “Can we go to the creek?” The way she said it came out as ‘crick’ and he was suddenly 7 or 8 again and begging his father for the same thing. Wow…he’d forgotten all about that.</p><p>Walks in the woods, splashing in the creek that was little more than a trickle of water through a rocky ditch that fed into the pond behind the pool house, and fishing in said pond…those were the majority of the good memories he had growing up, times his dad was home and took the time to spend the day with him. Sometimes Luke had tagged along, and usually Chewie joined them for at least part of it. Occasionally his mother had joined them for a picnic in the grass.</p><p>That was an idea actually. A picnic. He dug in his pocket for the smart phone his mother had forced on him and pulled up Kaydel’s number. In addition to owning the local bakery, Kay was a personal chef and caterer, and his mother had contracted her to handle Sunday night dinner (Ben had wondered about that—neither of his parents had ever been exceptionally good at cooking) and she usually prepped the food and dropped it off for reheating. Mia whined while he talked with Kaydel, tugging on his arm and the leg of his pants in turn, at least until she heard the word picnic. That got a shriek and clapped hands and he thought maybe (hopefully) it had been a good idea.</p><p>They saw countless squirrels, birds, four rabbits, and three deer on their walk. Mia whined more as she got increasingly tired, and then threw another screaming tantrum when he wouldn’t let her splash in the creek as long as she wanted or play in the mud. It wasn’t her fault; she was just overwhelmed and tired and her little brain couldn’t quite keep up with processing and expressing everything.</p><p>He knew it logically, had been told basically the same thing by practically everyone and assured he was doing just fine for only having known he had a child for a week.</p><p>It didn’t make him feel any less like a failure.</p><p>Kaydel was just pulling up by the house when they emerged from the woods. Mia pulled her hand out of his and practically launched herself across the grass, wrapping her arms around Kaydel’s legs. “Auntie Kay! Auntie Kay! I missed you! Me an’ Daddy went to the crick but I din’t see no snakes but there was three deers and are we really having a picnic?”</p><p>Kaydel laughed and picked her up for a hug and cheek kiss. “Well, that sounds like a fun time,” she said, smiling before lowering Mia back to the ground.</p><p>“ARE WE? Did you bring me picnic food? Picnic food can’t be too messy, you have to sit on the ground and there might be bugs and you have to hold your food and eat fast,” Mia said.</p><p>Kaydel laughed again. “Here, can you help me carry this?” Mia reached excitedly for the small box Kaydel was holding out. “I brought you fried chicken, biscuits, and potato salad.”</p><p>“And COOKIES!” Mia shouted, peering into the box she was holding.</p><p>“Yes, and cookies, and some lemonade. Do you think that will all be okay for a picnic?”</p><p>Mia was already running to the kitchen door, her shouted ‘yes’ echoing behind her as his mother met her in the doorway. “Grammy! Grammy! Daddy got Auntie Kay to make me a picnic!”</p><p>Ben took the largest of the boxes from the back of Kaydel’s SUV and carried it to the table between the back door and the outdoor kitchen near the pool.</p><p>Ben sat on a blanket in the grass with Mia, unable to really eat for catching her drink before it fell over (thankfully it had a lid), moving her plate so that she didn’t put a knee in it as she wiggled around, and ‘watching out for bees and waspers’ per her orders. He knew his parents and Rey were laughing at him, but he didn’t really mind. It was the happiest and most relaxed any of them had been all day.</p><p>After dinner, Rey argued that he didn’t need to drive them home, she could just call Finn or her parents. He didn’t argue, not really, but he did point out that it would be at least half an hour for anyone to get there, plus the drive time to her house. She gave in without too much more argument, giving him another of those long looks he couldn’t quite decipher. She was thinking about something, that much he knew, but he had no idea what.</p><p>Mia predictably fell asleep on the way home, but she woke again as Rey grabbed their things and Ben unbuckled the straps of the car seat. She whined a little but was too tired for anything more and let him carry her inside and help put her to bed. With his daughter tucked in and fast asleep, he knew he should leave, knew Rey probably wanted and maybe even needed him to leave, but he found himself hesitating. Rey looked at him, opened her mouth to speak, closed it, and repeated the process before shaking her head and walking him to the door. “I, ah, I’ll wash this and get it back to you,” she said, gesturing at the T-shirt hanging loosely off her frame.</p><p>“Keep it.” He said it more harshly than he intended, and she flinched, making him wince in response. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t…I just mean, it’s…I don’t know what I mean…I should just…” he waved vaguely at the door and she gave a quick nod, not looking at him.</p><p>They fell into a strangely tense yet still somehow comfortable sort of routine over the following weeks. Rey had added Ben to the emergency contact and approved pick up list at Mia’s preschool, and he picked her up Monday, Thursday, and Friday, spending a few hours each afternoon with her while Rey finished up her workday and ran errands. Sometimes they went to the park, sometimes he took her to Rey’s house, and sometimes took her home to his parents’ house. They ate dinner together most nights, all three of them, sometimes joined by his parents, or hers, or Finn. Ben stayed after dinner, usually until Mia went to bed, said a progressively-slightly-less-awkward good night to Rey (and Finn if he was home) and drove his mother’s car home in silence.</p><p>Rose popped in before dinner or for dessert every few days, but Hux was clearly avoiding him, so it was with quite a bit of surprise that he found the other man waiting for him at Beckett’s the next time he went to pick up coffee for the soccer coaches.</p><p>“Solo.”</p><p>“Hux.”</p><p>“I paid the delivery fee for the coffee and pastries. Join me for a moment?” His former friend was being extra-stiff and proper, face impassive as he gestured to a corner table with two steaming coffees.</p><p>Ben nodded and sat, waiting nervously for whatever judgement was about to be delivered.</p><p>The longer Hux stayed quiet, the antsier Ben got, bouncing his leg, tapping absently as the table, and running his hands through his hair every so often. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but it definitely wasn’t what Hux finally said.</p><p>“Poe Dameron’s back in town.” Ben blinked. Okay. “He’s an attorney now, with connections in the city.” Another blink. “You should call him.” Ben stared, unsure what exactly Hux was getting at, or why…</p><p>Wait.</p><p>“What city?”</p><p>Hux just looked at him over the brim of his coffee cup.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I can’t help you, Benny, not even to discuss the situation, as much as I’d like to,” his godmother said. She’d died her hair lavender again, this time as part of a fundraiser for cancer awareness and research. She’d done it before, as well as teal, pink, a vibrant fire-engine red, and various shades of blue over the years, and never once had anyone had the nerve to chastise her for it or claim it was unprofessional. Amilyn Holdo was certainly a strong personality. It made sense that she was still his mother’s best friend.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay. Can I ask why?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Conflict of interest.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He just stared at her. “What, do you work for Snoke, now?” he asked only half-jokingly, unable to come up with any other reason she’d refuse to help him. Not that he’d expected her to, really. He just wanted her advice, trusted her opinion about where to even start.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She gave him the withering look the suggestion deserved. “I shouldn’t even tell you this much, but Rey is a client. She has been since you left school.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Oh.</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>“I can put you in contact with someone, if you like. There’s a new firm in town, actually, a couple of lawyers who needed a change of location and relocated from the city.” She slid a card across the glossy surface of her desk, and he tucked it into his wallet without looking at it. “Now, take me to lunch and tell me all about how much groveling you’re doing now that you’re back in town.” He laughed and followed her out of her office. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben stared back at Hux, something suspiciously like hope stirring deep within him. He saw the moment Hux’s expression changed, the moment it registered that Ben was beginning to grasp what he was saying.</p><p>“Well, drink up,” Hux said after another moment of tense silence. “Can’t be late for the little one’s game.” Ben finished his cooling coffee and followed the other man out the door. Halfway across the tiny parking lot, Hux paused, still as serious as ever, words almost too low to hear. “Rey’s not the only one you left, Solo,” he said, glancing away.</p><p>“I—”</p><p>Hux ignored him, climbing into his car and pulling off before Ben even got over his shock enough to open the door.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You’re his best friend, you know.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked down at Rey, nestled in against his chest. “Pretty sure that’s you, actually.” She gave him a look, the one that usually meant she was refraining from actually calling him an idiot.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ben, please…Armitage is my best friend, and we’re definitely close, but you’re the person he trusts most in the world. Not me, not Rose, not Finn. You, Ben Solo.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He shook his head. Nah. He wasn’t anyone’s best friend. Not since Baz died anyway, and it was probably for the best. “You’re probably the closest thing he has to a brother,” she mumbled, breathing evening out as she fell asleep on him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ben dropped a kiss on the top of her head and shifted lower in the bed. Crazy girl. He glanced over at the framed picture he kept on the nightstand, the one from prom when Rey had threatened to eviscerate him. It was a habit that he had developed in high school, looking over every night before he went to sleep, and even though she was right there, in his arms, he stared at the picture, at her smile.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He couldn't sleep if he didn't.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>On Tuesday mornings, Ben saw his physical therapist. He’d been surprised to discover that J. Storms of ‘West Chandrila Sports Medicine and Physical Therapy’ was in fact Kaydel’s fiancée Jannah. She was no-nonsense, encouraging when needed, and tough as nails. She’d called him a whiny baby within minutes of beginning their first session, and he suspected the (painful) additional exercises and stretches she insisted on were just as much intended to punish him for complaining as to strengthen his knee.</p><p>It made sense that he’d know her (or at least of her), he supposed, being in a small town and all that. Somehow, he was surprised to realize he genuinely liked her, almost as surprised as he had been to find out she knew all about Bazine, and Ben’s history with Baz and Kaydel.</p><p>It was over a month into his return to his hometown that his cell phone rang as he left Jannah’s office. He glanced at the screen, expecting it to be some unknown telemarketer’s number but was surprised to see Rey’s name flashing up at him. He answered quickly, suddenly in the grip of terror. She was at work, getting ready to take her third graders to lunch. She wouldn’t be calling him if it weren’t an emergency.</p><p>“Rey? What’s wrong?”</p><p>She sighed, and he thought she sounded relieved. “I, Ben, can you go pick up Mia? The pre-school called and she’s sick, they think probably just a stomach virus, but everyone else is at work or in meetings and they can’t get anyone to cover my classroom for at least an hour and—”</p><p>“Rey, it’s okay. Just breathe. Of course, I will.”</p><p>“I…okay, thanks. Do you…you can take her home, if you have your key, do you have your key? Or to your parents, just let me know so I know where to come get her. I know this was your PT morning.”</p><p>He could hear the kids in her classroom, and they were getting restless.</p><p>“Yes, I have the key to your house. I’ll go get her now, and you can text me whatever information you think I need.”</p><p>The pre-school had actually tried to call him first, but his ringer had been off during his appointment. It was probably a good thing Rey called him when she did, so he didn’t see the missed call and voicemail and panic himself.</p><p>Mia was sick. Really sick, with a fever and upset stomach. She was so miserable she didn’t even cry when he picked her up, just sort of whimpered. He must have looked as terrified as he felt. Her teacher assured him she was just tired and not feeling well, that there was a 48-hour bug of some sort going around.</p><p>Ben glanced at Mia in the rearview mirror, her eyes glassy as she sucked her thumb and stared blankly out the window, that damn Kylo Ren stuffed doll tucked under her arm.</p><p>He didn’t know what to do. What if he did the wrong thing?</p><p>By the time he put the car in park in Rey’s driveway, he had a series of text messages from Rey about crackers and juice and ice chips and ginger tea and where to find the children’s pain and fever reducers. As he got the door unlocked, juggling Mia and her tiny backpack as well as a plastic bag of things Rey had messaged him to stop and pick up because she didn’t have them at home, his phone chimed again with a wall of text from his mother. She called five minutes later, offering to come take over as soon as her charity board meeting was over. He cut the call short when Mia groaned and leaned over the plastic bucket he’d given her (Rey’s suggestion).</p><p>By the time Rey called after her students were gone for the day, Mia was on her second set of pajamas, Ben’s shirt was in the washer, and the kitchen, bathroom, and living room floors had all been scrubbed and sanitized at least once. Mia was sleeping, though, passed out and drooling on his chest, and the little bit of medicine she had been able to keep down seemed to be helping bring the fever down.</p><p>So, he told Rey they were fine and to take her time coming home.</p><p>She walked in a little over an hour later with dinner, two bags of groceries, and a fever of her own. She dropped the bags, slapped a hand over her mouth, and ran for her bedroom.</p><p>Whatever the virus was, Finn had it as well, though he didn’t seem quite as miserable as Rey. He even found the energy and good humor to give Ben a hard time about his shirtless status and the fact that Mia had managed to drool a little puddle on him again.</p><p>He stayed two nights, half-sleeping on the too-short couch. Finn and Mia were both feeling much better and able to eat a bit by dinner the second day. Rey, on the other hand, was spending half the time curled up on her bathroom floor. She felt so bad she actually let Ben help take care of her and didn’t argue when he offered to stay another night to take care of Mia so she could rest.</p><p>Ben heard Finn lecturing her about ‘letting herself get run down’ by trying to do too much and not getting enough rest, before insisting (as he had for years) that she didn’t have to do everything alone. He couldn’t hear her reply, and whatever Finn said next was obscured by Mia’s demands that he come to her tea party.</p><p>Rey actually surfaced after Mia was asleep, shuffling into the kitchen for water and some dry toast and giving him that look again, the one that indicated she wanted to say something but was thinking the better of it.</p><p>Maybe she was still feverish, or just still feeling poorly, or maybe she’d finally given up on holding herself back. Whatever the reason, she actually spoke this time, and Ben wasn’t sure if he was more surprised at the fact that she spoke or the words she actually said.</p><p>“I think we should have sex.”</p><p>He nearly choked on his own tongue.</p><p>“You owe me that much, I think.”</p><p>He just stared.</p><p>“I’m not saying I want to get together or date you. I don’t.”</p><p>He opened his mouth. Closed it again.</p><p>“It’s logical, really. You’re my child’s father, so I don’t have to worry about introducing someone new who might disrupt her life. We’ve done it before, so that’s…well…but just sex, no kissing on the mouth, no talking, no stupid promises we won’t keep, and you leave after.”</p><p>If she was intent on punishing him, she could NOT have picked a more effective option.</p><p>He should say no, should refuse on principle, and point out how very harmful and destructive that would be. To both of them. To their daughter.</p><p>He really should.</p><p>He <em>would.</em></p><p>Ben took a breath and opened his mouth, all the reasons why it was a terrible idea on the tip of his tongue.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>She seemed surprised. Hell, he was surprised. “Right then. Saturday? Finn will be out, Mia’s with my parents for the weekend and they’re planning to take her home with them after her game.” He nodded and she turned, heading back into her bedroom and closing the door behind her with a quiet, final click.</p><p>What the hell had he just done?</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yep, that's totally going to go well, right? No complications at all...</p><p>Next chapter should see the return of Poe Dameron, and Snap Wexley's next appearance.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ben gets sick, Rey apologizes, and Ben reconnects with some old friends-as well as someone who may or may not be friendly. </p>
<p>
  <em>Poe’s face crumbled and Ben just looked helplessly between his crying child and Poe (who, frankly, looked like he might cry himself). Rey arrived, seemed to assess the situation, and quietly collected Mia as she jerked her head towards the door, indicating they would be outside. She paused only long enough to glare at Poe before turning on her heel and leaving. Poe winced, rubbing a weary hand over his face.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“So, guess the Erso-Andor family <strong>all</strong> still hate me, then, huh?”</em>
</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've entered a tentative chapter count but as usual that may change depending on how the next bit goes. Ben still has some work to do (and not just in regards to Mia and Rey).</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5QBpSHlGLMjmrIPtGizcHc?si=mF88uGWPRf-HeIO02Ff2Aw">Field Goal Series Playlist</a>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The plan for Saturday changed when Ben was able to confirm that the 48 hour stomach flu Mia (and Rey and Finn) had suffered had an incubation period of about three to four days (assuming he’d caught it at first exposure when he picked Mia up from preschool). He’d been fine that morning, if a little tired, and hadn’t had much of an appetite in the afternoon, but he hadn’t thought much about it as he headed out to collect Mia from pre-school and took her back to the pool house where they played games for all of five minutes before Mia decided she was finished and asked to watch princess movies. After Rey arrived for ‘family time,’ she had stared at him, lips pursed, and informed him that he didn’t look well and she suspected he’d caught Mia’s germs. By evening he had to skip dinner and he collapsed into bed unusually early Friday night.</p>
<p>By 1 AM he was convinced being crushed to death by a giant wheel of cheese would be more pleasant. He managed to send a text to Rey and let her know that she had been correct and he was far too sick to make Mia’s game, and then a quick message to his mother telling her not to worry if she didn’t see him in the morning.</p>
<p>It was for the best, really. He never should have agreed to Rey’s insane request in the first place. It would only end up hurting her more—probably Mia, too. Hell, he already knew it would hurt him but that didn’t really matter so much. At least <em>he</em> deserved the pain. He figured if he kept reminding himself of that, of the fact that it could and would hurt them, maybe he could be strong enough to take it back.</p>
<p>Sometime Saturday night, Ben heard the main doors of the pool house open and attempted to sit up. He managed to raise his head about an inch off the pillow before flopping back down. His mother had been out hourly to check on him, despite his repeated protestations that he didn’t want to expose her to the germs. “Mom, told you, ‘m fine. Go to bed,” he managed to grumble.</p>
<p>“It’s me.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” He blinked as Rey pushed the bedroom door open. “Not much good to you, tonight, you’d have to do all the work,” he mumbled, attempting a joke.</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes, but he was pretty sure she also smiled. “I didn’t come for <em>that</em>,” she said, approaching the bed and sitting on the edge of the mattress. Her hands felt cool—almost cold—on his face as she laid the back of one on his forehead then placed her palms on either side of his face. She frowned at him. “Have you taken anything?”</p>
<p>“No,” he managed, eyes fluttering.</p>
<p>“When’s the last time you tried to eat or drink anything?”</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure, and he couldn’t seem to get the words out to tell her so. She must have read his expression well enough, though, and she frowned at him again before standing up and leaving the room. He heard her moving around the kitchen, muttering to herself. Ben floated in that hazy, feverish, almost-sleep state where he could hear what was going on around him but not move or speak, or even see. He couldn’t have said for sure whether it was minutes or hours before she was back, attempting to balance a tray with crackers, tea, water, and a bowl of something—soup maybe.</p>
<p>She helped him sit up, fluffing the pillows behind his head, before picking up the mug of tea. “Ginger tea,” she said softly. “It might help settle your stomach so you can keep the rest of this down.”</p>
<p>It <em>burned. </em>It was ginger, so that was expected, but he hadn’t realized just how raw and sore his throat was until the peppery heat of the ginger hit his abused flesh. Rey winced in sympathy when he groaned. He supposed she really did understand, considering how much of the stuff she’d had earlier in the week. What they’d given Mia had been far weaker and his child had apparently inherited a love for spicy everything (Ben suspected that came from his mother’s side of the family based on things he’d seen <em>her</em> eat over the years). It must have skipped a generation.</p>
<p>After the tea Rey made him try the water, and then a cracker or two, before she lifted the bowl. “Chicken and rice, well just rice and chicken <em>broth</em>, really,” she said, offering a spoonful. He wanted to argue that he could feed himself, but he hadn’t even been able to hold the mug of tea or open the flip top on the water bottle without her help, so he ended up sitting up in bed with Rey feeding him like a small child. She made him finish the rest of the water after, and Ben was forced to admit she had been right insisting he should at least try to eat and drink.</p>
<p>He didn’t remember settling in to go back to sleep, but he must have, because the room was dark when his eyes fluttered open and the dull, red glare of the digital alarm clock insisted at least two hours had passed. He was cold, curled under the blankets and shivering to the point his teeth actually chattered, but his stomach wasn’t quite so angry with him. His bladder, however, was a different story, and he nearly fell twice as he stumbled to the bathroom to deal with that discomfort.</p>
<p>When he stepped back into the bedroom, shrugging into a flannel shirt he’d left hanging behind the door and his entire body shivering, Rey was waiting. She tucked him back into bed and forced more water on him, followed by another mug of tea—peppermint this time—before going back into the main room for more blankets. He was surprised when she curled up on the other side of his bed, but he didn’t mention it, afraid she would leave if he said anything.</p>
<p>The fever broke in the early morning hours. Food was probably still the enemy and he couldn’t remember his core being so sore, possibly ever, but he was still feeling far better than he had the past two days, and Rey was wrapped around him, leg thrown over his hip and arm across his chest. He cringed, realizing he must have been sweating all over her when the fever broke, but then he was fairly sure she was drooling on the back of his neck (definitely where Mia had inherited the trait).</p>
<p>He should get up, move away from her, and see if he had the strength to shower.</p>
<p>Should.</p>
<p>He didn’t, though, instead enjoying being able to feel the weight and heat of her at his back for the first time in years. He told himself he could (and likely would) regret it later.</p>
<p>He must have fallen back asleep, because the next thing he knew Rey was gone and daylight pulsed at the single window in the bedroom, tracing around the edges of the blackout shade and heavy curtains. She hadn’t gone far, judging by the little sounds of movement filtering in from the other room. He sat up slowly, one hand shoving his hair back out of his face. He wasn’t dizzy anymore, and the act of sitting up didn’t have him trembling. So far, so good.</p>
<p>Ben swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood slowly, hand hovering over the nightstand for balance and support. He was definitely still weak, and extremely sore, but overall he was feeling much better. He made his way into the bathroom and even managed a quick shower, although that <em>did</em> take what little energy he had recovered and left him feeling like he needed a nap. He returned to the bedroom to find Rey had stripped the linens including the mattress pad, and he could hear the washer filling with water.</p>
<p>He wandered into the kitchenette and she smiled softly at him. “Feeling better?”</p>
<p>He couldn’t answer at first, her smile hitting him like a physical blow. Ben hadn’t ever expected her to look at him like that again, at least not when he wasn’t with their daughter. He settled for a slow nod and lowered himself into the chair across from her at the small breakfast table. Rey pushed a small plate towards him. Plain, dry toast. “It may take a few days before you can eat normally, at least it did for me…and Finn too, I think. Mia was fine but I still can’t handle anything more exciting than applesauce and Mia’s yogurt pouches.”</p>
<p>He took a tentative bite of the toast, staring blankly at the table while he chewed.</p>
<p>“Ben, we need to talk.” His head snapped up. “No, no panicking, it’s nothing bad really. I just…I owe you an apology. Several, probably.”</p>
<p>He wanted to ask what she had to apologize for, but the words stuck in his throat.</p>
<p>“The drinking, that night…when Snap broke it off. I never should have done that, especially not here, not knowing…” she trailed off and looked away.</p>
<p>“And I know I said…I said a lot of things that night that I wish I could take back, or at least phrase differently. But mostly, I need to apologize for…that other thing…” Her eyes met his and darted away again as color suffused her face. “The, ah…I shouldn’t have suggested that we…I mean the…”</p>
<p>“Rey, it’s okay. I…you were sick and probably still a little out of it and—”</p>
<p>“No.” She said it firmly, forcing herself to meet his eyes again. “No, I knew exactly what I was saying, what I was suggesting. I…I’ve thought about it, since you came back. Because it’s true, what I said that night. There hasn’t really been anyone else. Not just because…well, it’s not easy, dating with a small child. Mia is my priority, always. She has been since the day I found out, and I’ve been careful, maybe too careful, who I let into either of our lives. I think I used her as an excuse, not to let anyone get close.” She paused, looking down.</p>
<p>It was hard for her; he knew it was. The emotional shit-shoveling had always been hard for both of them. It was what got them into this situation to begin with, really, avoiding too many of the hard talks, bottling things up and never asking for help.</p>
<p>“I didn’t…there was no closure, Ben. You were just…gone. And then I had to figure it all out, had to tell my parents—tell YOUR parents, and I know I had so many people around me, so many there for me and for Mia, but I felt SO alone, Ben, because I…” she paused, took a deep breath, “I wanted <em>you</em> there. Even if it was just for a day, just to end things properly. I thought I was over it, had moved past it all, and then here you are, and you didn’t even <em>know</em>…” Rey gestured helplessly as she trailed off.</p>
<p>“Anyway it…I guess I thought maybe you still felt <em>something </em> for me and if I could just use that, just do <em>something</em> to hurt you the way you hurt me, maybe I could feel better. It’s utterly ridiculous, I know it is, and unfair to you, and it was wrong and I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>She left then, and he wanted to run after her, to chase her down and drag her back inside.</p>
<p>But she needed to go, he needed to <em>let</em> her go.</p>
<p>He managed to make it an hour before he tracked down his phone, typed up and erased the message three times:</p>
<p>
  <em>It wasn’t ridiculous and you’re not wrong.</em>
</p>
<p>Nope, can’t do that. Bad plan…bad, bad plan.</p>
<p>
  <em>My answer hasn’t changed, provided it doesn’t hurt Mia…or you.</em>
</p>
<p>Delete. Delete. Delete.</p>
<p>
  <em>Still willing with one change, I really want to be allowed to kiss you.</em>
</p>
<p>He was pathetic. He shook his head as he deleted the words from the screen then typed another message and hovered over the delete button for seven minutes before tapping send.</p>
<p>
  <em>Hurt me. I deserve it.</em>
</p>
<p>It was probably for the best that his signal dropped, and the message bounced back momentarily as undeliverable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On Thursday, Ben learned that Poe Dameron had a tiny office in one of the historic buildings on Main Street, barely bigger than a closet. Poe laughed and said his partner was the senior attorney and she had the bigger office of the suite, but also the more expensive hourly rate.</p>
<p>It felt good to laugh with Poe again. To laugh again at all, really (although Mia was certainly helping with that, too).</p>
<p>Just as Ben recalled, Poe had the ability to be serious, laser focused, and he had Poe’s full attention as he recounted the shortest possible version of the last five years.  The only time Poe looked away was to glance down and make notes on the legal pad in front of him, the only time he spoke, to ask clarifying questions. When Ben was done, Poe watched him quietly a few moments, before picking up his desk phone and pressing a button. “You were right,” he said to the person on the other end, then hung up, stood, and motioned to the door. “Come with me, Solo, you need to talk to my partner.”</p>
<p>Ben followed Poe into the other office and stumbled when the woman behind the desk looked up and offered him a fierce smile.</p>
<p>Impossible.</p>
<p>She worked for Snoke.</p>
<p>“Sit down, Solo, you and I need to have a chat.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“Ah, Ren, there you are. Come, sit, so we can make everything official and get on with business.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Snoke gestured to the chair beside him, one of his attorneys a few chairs away with a stack of papers and an expensive looking pen waiting for him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She stood, carrying the stack of folders and documents over, handing him the pen. He signed and initialed and dated, filled in every space she indicated without even really looking at the papers. Snoke trusted her, so he did.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“One more,” she said, thrusting another document in front of him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I thought that was all of it?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She glanced from him to Snoke and then glared down at the table. “One more, another name change document,” she said, eyes focused on the top third of the front page.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Curious, he started to skim over it. His name change was the first thing they’d done. What else could have come up?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Snoke leaned forward, urging him to hurry, reminding him they had a tight schedule for the day and pushing a tumbler of scotch his way. He took it gratefully, scribbling a sloppy variation of his signature on the lines indicated.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He wasn’t even sure what name he was signing anymore, his “new” signature a loopy, barely decipherable scribbled combination of his new and birth names.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It was his legal signature now, though, a solution suggested by Snoke and (after some discussion) accepted by the legal team as something they could work with.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Ben stared, shocked to see her again.</p>
<p>“Phasma?”</p>
<p>He didn’t even know if that was her first or last name.</p>
<p>“Mr. Solo,” she said with a polite nod. “Nice to meet you sober for once.” She waved a hand. “Come, have a seat, and help me help you destroy Snoke and his entire organization.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After several hours, Ben Solo had the start of a plan, assurances he would soon have his legal name fully back, and the beginning of a strong case against Snoke, Tarkin, the Knights of Ren, and anyone else affiliated.</p>
<p>He wasn’t exactly sure why Phasma wanted to help him—it was likely she’d be disbarred and possibly charged.</p>
<p>Whatever Snoke had done to her apparently made the personal risks worth seeking revenge for herself, Ben, and he had a feeling a few other former Knights.</p>
<p>He could certainly understand that.</p>
<p>It was nearly time to pick up Mia from pre-school but early enough he didn’t want to sit in the parking lot for that long, so he stopped in at Beckett’s for coffee, and left with that, a plastic bottle of milk, two cake pops, and orders to bring Mia to “visit with Uncle Toby and Auntie Val very soon.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once everyone was completely recovered from their bout with the stomach virus, they fell back into what had become their family routine. Ben picked her up at least three days each week. He and Rey had dinner together with Mia nearly every night. Ben watched her soccer practice while he and Snap pretended to ignore each other’s existence. Ben stayed to help tuck Mia in, and then drove back to the pool house.</p>
<p>Mia spent at least every other weekend at the Solo home, and sometimes Rey stayed over on Saturday and they had an odd sort of family day on Sunday, starting with Ben cooking breakfast. Mia’s favorite remained pancakes, but she was also fascinated by his ability to make a trifold French omelet with little to no lacing (not that she—or anyone in the house other than Ben really—actually understood what that meant), and for some reason she thought fried potatoes were the most hilarious breakfast food ever. Afternoons were spent fishing or hiking or watching movies and then Sunday dinner began once Kaydel brought whatever menu she and Leia had planned for the night.</p>
<p>He got frequent updates from Poe and Phasma, although so far, the update was usually that they had no update.</p>
<p>The PT sessions with Jannah were paying off, with less pain and more strength and range of motion in his injured knee. She had started hinting he might actually make a full recovery, despite what the team doctors and his surgeon had told him.</p>
<p>He even spoke to Hux a few times and they managed to be civil, although the other man usually made his excuses and left after only a few minutes.</p>
<p>He managed to start a new habit of taking Mia by Beckett’s on Friday, where she was showered in attention (and <em>far</em> too much sugar) and colored on one of the black dry-erase boards they used for the daily specials. Rey usually met them about an hour later, as she rarely stayed at school late on Friday afternoon.</p>
<p>One particular Friday afternoon in early October, Mia was giggling as she and Val drew ghosts and jack-o-lanterns on the board when Poe stepped into the shop. He tossed a friendly wave Ben’s direction and called out a greeting to Val. Then Mia saw him and nearly fell off her stool in her attempts to get down and get to him. “Hey, little Mia,” Poe said as she barreled straight at him, followed quickly by “Ouch!” when she kicked him in the shin.</p>
<p>“MIA!” Ben managed to scoop her up before she could do it again, carrying her back to their corner table and holding her firmly until she calmed down while Poe just watched in confusion. “Mia, we don’t kick our friends,” Ben said, trying to remain calm and keep the irritation out of his voice. She threw tantrums like any four-year-old child, but this was something else. “Why did you do that?” She huffed and squirmed in his arms, and when Ben got a look at her face, he was shocked to find her crying—big, fat, heartbroken tears rolling down her face.</p>
<p>“He was mean and he made Uncle Finn sad and we’re not friends anymore!” she screeched.</p>
<p>Poe’s face crumbled and Ben just looked helplessly between his crying child and Poe (who, frankly, looked like he might cry himself). Rey arrived, seemed to assess the situation, and quietly collected Mia as she jerked her head towards the door, indicating they would be outside. She paused only long enough to glare at Poe before turning on her heel and leaving. Poe winced, rubbing a weary hand over his face.</p>
<p>“So, guess the Erso-Andor family <em>all</em> still hate me, then, huh?”</p>
<p>“Honestly, Poe, I have no idea. We’ve never really talked about you, I guess I just assumed I was the only one they hated.” Poe seemed both surprised and hurt. “Look, I need to go check on Mia, but…stay here, okay? I’ll be back. Pretty sure we could both use a friend.” Ben didn’t give him a chance to reply—to <em>refuse</em>—before standing up and striding out the front door.</p>
<p>Rey was waiting on the sidewalk, leaning against the brick wall and hugging Mia to her. It looked like they’d <em>both</em> been crying. There was a pleading in her gaze as she stared up at him. He paused, hands waving awkwardly as he tried to stop himself from reaching out for both of them. “Please?” Rey said, stepping in closer, and she let him hold her, hold them both.</p>
<p>“What was that all about?”</p>
<p>Rey made a sound that might have been a laugh or a sob, Ben wasn’t quite sure. She looked up at him then glanced down at Mia.</p>
<p>Ah, not the best time to discuss.</p>
<p>“Bad breakup,” Rey said softly, “Mia took it particularly hard.”</p>
<p>He nodded. Rey glanced down and back up at him again. “I’ll take her home. You can…you should maybe talk to Poe. Dinner at six?”</p>
<p>“Still want pizza?”</p>
<p>“YES!” Mia shouted, the first thing she’d said since wailing that she and Poe weren’t friends anymore. He laughed and walked them to the car, watching as Rey pulled away from the curb and turned the corner before he went back inside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Poe slumped in his seat, dejected. Ben let him wallow for a while, finishing his own (lukewarm) coffee and waiting. Finally, Poe rubbed a hand across his brow and mumbled, “God, I need a drink!” before gasping and looking up at Ben. “Shit, man, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t—”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, Poe. If anyone can understand that sentiment, it’s me. But I do strongly advise against it.” Poe shook his head, biting back a rueful grin. “Now, tell me what <em>you</em> did to make enemies of the entire Erso-Andor family.”</p>
<p>Val came over to their corner with refills and pastries for both men. “On the house. From the sound of things earlier, I think you could both use this.” Ben laughed when he looked into the mug. Cocoa. She’d brought them both hot cocoa with marshmallows, whipped cream, <em>and </em>peppermint sticks. “It’s a little early in the year for peppermint according to <em>some </em>people, but I think it might be just what you need.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, Val,” Poe mumbled, making a slurping sound as he sucked some of the whipped cream off the top of his drink. Ben winced and glared at him, which of course prompted the oh-so-mature attorney to do it again.</p>
<p>After Val made it back to the counter again, Poe looked across the table at Ben.</p>
<p>Ready to talk, then.</p>
<p>“So, I guess, you could say I did the same thing you did—I got scared and stupid.” He paused, as if waiting for Ben to argue. “I…things were good, you know, really good. I was almost done with law school, Finn and I had been together since college, and everything just felt…<em>right.</em>” Ben nodded. “I…I was thinking of proposing, even had a ring all picked out.” He leaned back, a soft smile tugging at the corner of this mouth. “Finn beat me to it, though, went all out with dinner and flowers and our song and I just, I froze. I panicked and told him I thought we needed to take a break. I told him I wasn’t ready to take that step, and that’s the part Mia heard. She and Rey got home earlier than expected, and they walked in right when I broke his heart.”</p>
<p>Poe paused, toying absently with his mug and breaking off a corner of his danish before crumbling it on his napkin. “Fucking love of my life, man. I’m pretty sure there won’t ever be anyone else so perfect for me, and I just…I threw it away because I was scared.”</p>
<p>Poe’s story was a little too familiar, too similar. No, Poe hadn’t thrown away his own happiness in <em>quite</em> so spectacular a fashion, but when it came down to it, they had, in essence done the same thing—gotten scared and pushed away the person they loved most in the world.</p>
<p>“Have you talked to him at all, since? Does he know you’re back in town?”</p>
<p>“No…I mean, I think he knows I’m here, but I haven’t talked to him. I’ve seen him a couple of times, but…” he trailed off and shrugged before downing the rest of the cocoa and then popping what remained of the peppermint stick in his mouth.</p>
<p>“DAMERON!”</p>
<p>The booming voice was friendly, and familiar.</p>
<p>“Wexley.”</p>
<p>Snap crossed the coffee shop and Poe stood to meet him, accepting a handshake and a hug.</p>
<p>“How the heck are you, man? I heard you were back, but I hadn’t seen you anywhere.”</p>
<p>“I’m…I’m doing okay, all things considered.”</p>
<p>Snap looked at him, glanced across the table to where Ben was still sitting, and got that thoughtful look again. “You’re a terrible liar, Poe,” he said, “And you’re both idiots. You,” he said, looking at Poe, “look like you’ve aged five years in the last one and I’m going to make the safe bet that you haven’t bothered to contact Finn.” He turned and pointed at Ben, “And <em>you</em> need to tell Rey how you actually feel about her. I thought surely when I broke up with her, you’d talk but no, gotta be stubborn. My kindergartners are better at relationships and communication than the two of you.”</p>
<p>Ben just stared at him, unsure what to say, and Poe rubbed at his face again before sitting down. Snap grabbed a chair from the next table and flipped it around, straddling it backwards. “It’s not that simple, Snap,” Poe muttered, crumbling another bit of danish between his thumb and forefinger.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it is,” Wexley said, reaching out and stealing what was left of the pastry, taking a big bite and brushing at the crumbs as he chewed. “Pretty much everyone in this town has been taking bets on the four of you since high school,” he said, waving the last bit of danish in front of him. “Now, Poe, I suggest you go down the street to the burger place where I happen to know Finn is going to be in about five minutes and <em>talk to him</em>.” Poe just stared for a moment while Snap shoved the rest of the pastry into his mouth and chewed, smacking his lips and grinning when it made Ben wince. “Well, what are you waiting for? Go!”</p>
<p>And Poe…went.</p>
<p>Ben was still staring at the door and trying to figure out what had just happened when Snap turned, focusing on him. “Now, for you, I admit it’s a little more complicated.” Ben nodded. That was a fact. “I mean, you and Rey haven’t <em>ever </em>been good at talking to each other, which is weird because she at least is an effective communicator with literally <em>everyone</em> else. Jury’s still out on you. Are you gonna eat that?” Ben shook his head and Snap claimed his muffin with a smile and a thanks muffled by the first bite (consisting of about a third of the baked good in question).</p>
<p>“Now, back to what I was saying. You, Ben Solo, have been in love with Rey Erso-Andor since the day she put you on your ass and kicked what was technically a record-breaking field goal before storming off.”</p>
<p>Ben blinked. That wasn’t…</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, don’t even try to argue.” Snap took another bite of the muffin, mercifully chewing with his mouth closed. “All that fighting the two of you did, the constantly trying to one-up each other and the looks you kept shooting each other when you thought no one was paying attention, it was all just the two of you trying like hell to deny your feelings while also trying to identify those feelings at once. When you <em>finally </em>got it together in college, I thought that was it, the fairy tale ending, then you got all stupid again.”</p>
<p>Ben winced and Snap grinned. “Yeah…anyway, my point is, whatever was between you then, it’s still there, and I think the two of you won’t ever be happy with anyone else. I’m pretty sure Erso-Andors mate for life. So, now the question is, what are you going to do about it?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, I was planning to drag it out and have Ben and Rey make several more bad choices (and they still might) but Snap decided they need a fairy godfather and stepped in so...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ben works on repairing some friendships and tries to figure out how to move forward with Rey. </p><p> </p><p>  <em>The only place that really felt like home was…well…wherever Rey and Mia were. And yes, it had to be both of them.</em></p><p> </p><p>  <em>Nevertheless, he needed to go. He shook his head and blinked at Rey, realizing she’d been talking to him and he hadn’t heard a word.</em></p><p> </p><p>  <em>“You’re too tired to drive,” she said. “You could…you should stay…here. Tonight.” She seemed more nervous than she should at the prospect of him sleeping on her couch. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before, although granted he was the only one who hadn’t been desperately ill the last time. </em></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW/TW: Discussion of past overdose. It's been mentioned in a prior chapter in passing, but there is a new piece of information revealed here.</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5QBpSHlGLMjmrIPtGizcHc?si=mF88uGWPRf-HeIO02Ff2Aw">Field Goal Series Playlist</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a shock, the first time Ben walked into the local AA meeting and came face to face with Cassian Andor. The man had greeted him with a smile and a firm handshake, and a lot of the looks and comments Rey’s father had aimed at him over the years suddenly made a new kind of sense.</p><p>He’d expected Bazine’s mother. She’d had a problem before Baz died and despite their dysfunction, Francine “call me Frankie” Netal had loved her daughter more than anything. She’d had a rough time for the first few years. Ben knew, he’d actually stayed in touch with her for a while, at least until Snoke got into his head. He’d been thrilled for her when she decided to quit drinking, encouraged her to stick with it, all the while spiraling headfirst into his own addictions and letting Snoke manipulate him into destroying his own life.</p><p>The final shock had been at the NA meeting later that week, when his uncle had walked in and taken a seat, offering Ben a nod of greeting but not approaching or speaking to him other than that, at least not until after the meeting.</p><p>Cassian, Uncle Luke, a few other people he’d known most of his life…they were really good at the “Anonymous” part. Some small, bitter part of him thought maybe too good. But the larger part of him decided the knowledge made him feel better, hopeful that maybe he could fix things.</p><p>Of course therapy was helping with that, too. It had been there, in the back of his head, from the moment his mother had mentioned that she and his father were going. He’d dragged his feet, and no one had pushed, but eventually he reached out and it was…not so bad, really. His therapist even seemed to think he was making progress. Ben wasn’t so sure about that, sometimes.</p><p>Like the way he was obsessing over Snap’s final question at the coffee shop.</p><p>
  <em>What was he going to do about it?</em>
</p><p>Ben asked himself that a lot now that Snap had put it out there, but so far, the only answer he had managed had been “nothing.”</p><p>He’d left Snap at Beckett’s on Friday, picked up a pizza as promised, and gone to have dinner with Rey and Mia. Serious, emotional conversations couldn’t really happen with a sleepy yet energetic four-year-old at hand, though, and after putting Mia to bed he’d missed his chance when Finn came home a shaking, babbling mess.</p><p>Knowing it was probably due to seeing Poe again, Ben panicked, made his excuses, and headed home.</p><p>He avoided the demand in Snap’s eyes on Saturday. It was slightly easier to get away with that since the game was “away” and hosted the next town over, so there was no need to get there extra-early, and he collected Mia and left for lunch with his parents immediately after her game ended, pretending not to see Snap headed his direction.</p><p>The next few days the moment was just never right. At least that’s what Ben told himself.</p><p>Still, they needed to talk. Rey had made her apologies and he needed to attempt to make his, even if it didn’t work out the way he hoped, so he did the thing he’d been avoiding (for most of his life, really).</p><p>Ben Solo asked for help.</p><p>From his mother.</p><p>She of course had been thrilled but managed to control her excitement enough that he only kind of immediately regretted his decision. He didn’t even mention he was hoping to patch things up with Rey and maybe, eventually, see if she would give him another chance, but his mother seemed come to that conclusion all on her own anyway. Still, after an initial outburst she remained admirably controlled (still overwhelming—and overbearing—but that was just his mother).</p><p>But it was going to take time. And planning. And him not backing out.</p><p>Also talking. It was definitely going to require him talking to Rey. About a lot of things, some of which he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell her.</p><p> </p><p>As October flew past, Ben found himself meeting Poe and, surprisingly enough, Jannah for coffee or lunch or dinner about once a week. It was almost odd, having friends again. Jannah was good at separating work from her social life, and Poe seemed to be following her lead on that. They mostly talked about things that didn’t really matter or told ridiculous stories and bad jokes. Jannah’s laugh was infectious. Mia was often a topic of conversation, especially as Jannah and Kaydel started moving forward with wedding plans. They wanted Mia to be their flower girl, and possibly ring-bearer as well if Jannah’s brother and nephew weren’t able to make it.</p><p>“So, have you told Rey you love her yet?” Jannah asked, looking up from buttering a roll as they waited for their food to be delivered to the table.</p><p>Ben stared, opening and closing his mouth a few times.</p><p>Jannah rolled her eyes and threw a balled-up paper napkin at him. “Stop dragging your feet, Solo.”</p><p>Poe watched them, biting back a smile and happy Jannah was focusing on Ben for the moment. She certainly gave him hell over his apparent lack of progress with Finn on a regular basis.</p><p>Apparently, being in a happy and stable relationship and planning a wedding with the woman she loved had turned her into a bit of a meddling romantic who wanted to see her friends all settled and happy—even if they ‘weren’t the happy sort’—Poe’s oh-so-unhelpful defense of Ben.</p><p>They were interrupted by the arrival of their food and spent a few minutes eating quietly. Ben tried not to flinch outwardly when he saw Hux and Rose enter and be seated a few tables away. Rose smiled and waved at them but Hux pointedly refused to look their direction and seemed to be starting a low argument with his fiancée. Probably insisting that they should leave.</p><p>So it was a shock when they approached and dragged chairs over from the next table. “You don’t mind if we join you, do you?” Rose asked, not really giving them an option to refuse as she sat down and somehow forced Hux into the seat closest to Ben.</p><p>“You’re just in time,” Jannah said with a grin. “Solo was just about to tell us how he’s going to win Rey back.” At the look on his face Rose cackled and even Armitage seemed to be fighting a smile. Poe saved him for the moment by announcing he had to leave as soon as they ate to meet Finn for a late movie. That got everyone’s excited attention and dominated the conversation for a while.</p><p>Dinner wasn’t quite as tense as Ben had expected, and Armitage seemed to relax a bit by the time their plates were cleared away. He’d been mostly quiet, but it was…less awkward, maybe? When Jannah and Rose managed to come up with excuses to leave the two of them alone, he realized it was intentional and looked at Hux, who was watching Rose as she practically skipped out of the restaurant. The other man shook his head. “I believe we’ve been set up,” he said quietly.</p><p>“Yeah.” Ben stared at the empty table and reached for his water glass, wishing desperately that it held something far stronger. His hand actually trembled as he put it back down after a swallow of the cold liquid.</p><p>“We could just leave, you know.”</p><p>“Do you really think Rose isn’t sitting outside in case we try to do just that?”</p><p>“No, no I don’t,” Hux said fondly. He looked at Ben then, and it <em>hurt</em>, seeing the pain there before he glanced back down.</p><p>Ben looked down at the table again, swallowed past the lump in his suddenly dry throat. “I’m…sorry, Hux—<em>Armitage</em>. I…you were right, it wasn’t just Rey I left, that I <em>hurt</em>. I…you were my best friend, probably the only real one other than Rey, and I never…”</p><p>His hands twitched.</p><p>“Shut it.”</p><p>“What?”  His head snapped up and Armitage was glaring.</p><p>“<em>ONLY</em> friend? Really? Do you know how many nights <em>Rose</em> cried over you, worried if you were even <em>eating</em> enough? How Finn and Poe had nightmares and tried every week to get in to see you? Kaydel intentionally enrolled at her third fucking choice culinary school to be in the same city as you, in hope she’d see you, be able to get through to you somehow or at least be able to assure the rest of us you were even still <em>alive</em>.” Ben stared. It was the most the other man had ever said at once, and he wasn’t finished.</p><p>“I was there, you know, the night you overdosed, when you almost <em>died.</em> Rose and I had gone into the city to have dinner with Kaydel. You still had me as one of the emergency contacts in your mobile and the hospital staff called. I couldn’t get in to see you, but they couldn’t justify throwing me out of the hospital with the kind of scene that would make. Snoke was trying to keep it quiet, after all.” He paused, staring absently at the wall, neither of them acknowledging that his eyes were wet. “I didn’t tell Rey. I didn’t tell <em>anyone.</em> As far as I am aware only Rose, Kaydel, and I know...other than Snoke’s people anyway.” He stood, straightening his tie and re-buttoning his jacket after dropping his crumpled napkin on the table. “I’m glad you’re not dead, Solo,” he said quietly, turning to walk out of the restaurant.</p><p>Ben sat a moment longer, cursed and threw a fistful of cash onto the table before he shoved his chair back and hurried after Hux. Sure enough, Rose was outside, huddled in her coat and perched on the hood of their car as she seemed to be refusing to let her fiancé leave.</p><p>Ben caught up and sucked in a breath of chilly air. Not cold enough to hurt yet, but close. “You’re right,” he called, waiting until Hux turned around before closing the gap between them. “I left <em>everyone </em>that cared about me, abandoned my entire fucking family and hurt you all. But you were the other person I missed most, the one I wondered about almost as often as Rey. You were my best friend, my brother, and I threw it away because when Snoke told me I didn’t deserve anything good I <em>believed </em>it. Rey was one of the good things, the best, but don’t short yourself, either. You didn’t give up on me. And you should have. Because you deserved better in a friend.” Rose was crying silently, staring back and forth between the two of them.</p><p>He turned to go, unable to watch Hux pretend to ignore him any longer, afraid he really would break and get black out drunk to avoid dealing with reality. He was fumbling at his phone (why were his eyes blurry?) as he crossed the parking lot when the hand on his shoulder threw him off balance. He turned and nearly fell on top of Hux.</p><p>“You always were over dramatic, you great bloody idiot,” Hux muttered, helping balance him and pulling him into a rough hug before stepping back, pretending he hadn’t just shown a great deal of emotion. “Come back to ours for a coffee. You have about an hour before it’s time to tuck your daughter into bed.”</p><p>Ben nodded, almost numb, jumping a bit when he felt a hand on his wrist. Rose. He hadn’t even realized she’d followed Armitage. “Give me your keys, Solo, you can’t drive like this.” He dropped them into her hand with a nod. She was right.</p><p>“Impressive. The Solo I recall would have refused and insisted he was fine,” Armitage muttered, but there was the slightest hint of something almost-affectionate there. Ben smiled in spite of himself.</p><p>Things weren’t fixed between them, probably wouldn’t be for a long time (if ever), but it was a step in the right direction.</p><p> </p><p>Hux and Rose lived a street over from Rey. Literally one street. If someone were friendly enough with the neighbors that they didn’t mind the occasional cutting through the yard, it was a matter of walking across the street and through two backyards to get there. Of course Rose was on those terms with the neighbors whose yard backed up to Rey’s. No wonder she dropped by so often, if they lived that close.</p><p>Ben hadn’t even realized.</p><p>It was hard not to add that to the list of his failures.</p><p>Rose said it wasn’t allowed, though, that they (well Armitage) had requested no one tell him unless he asked.</p><p>
  <em>Ouch.</em>
</p><p>But he knew now, had actually been invited over, and Hux had a tentative invitation to join next time Ben met Poe and Jannah for dinner. Rose too, but they all knew it was really mostly for Hux.</p><p> </p><p>Ben parked his mother’s car in Rey’s drive and stared at her front porch for a moment before climbing out. He felt…weary, emotionally exhausted, and all he wanted was to read Mia a bedtime story and then collapse for a few hours himself.</p><p>He tapped lightly on the screen door before letting himself in, laughing as Mia bounded across the living room, pajamas on and hair still damp from her bath. He picked her up and looked at Rey over the top of her head. “Ah, sorry I’m late, I was—”</p><p>“I know.” There was that smile again. The one that allowed him to dare hope for <em>maybe.</em></p><p>“Rose?”</p><p>Rey waved her phone at him. “Yep.”</p><p>He nodded, patting Mia on the back as she yawned and sleepily ordered him to braid her hair. Well, at least he’d learned how to do that again, finally.</p><p>His mother had shown him a few times when he was a little older than Mia, before he got old enough to resent her being gone for work all the time. He had recalled the basics, and braided Rey’s hair a time or two in college, but he wasn’t exactly good at it. When Mia started begging him to put her hair in braids, he’d gone to his mother for help, and between his mother and Rey had picked up a few tricks before turning to internet video tutorials. The first time he managed a style neither of them knew Mia had declared him the ‘bestest braider’ and then demanded ice cream to celebrate. His mother had laughed and produced all the makings for a sundae bar.</p><p>Mia had gone to bed two hours later than usual that night.</p><p>Ben had ordered his mother to never give his child sugar that late again.</p><p>His mother had just laughed and added cookies and more ice cream to the grocery list.</p><p>With Mia braided, read to, and tucked in, Ben realized he might actually be too tired to drive himself home.</p><p>
  <em>Home.</em>
</p><p>Right.</p><p>The only place that really felt like home was…well…wherever Rey and Mia were. And yes, it had to be both of them.</p><p>Nevertheless, he needed to go. He shook his head and blinked at Rey, realizing she’d been talking to him and he hadn’t heard a word.</p><p>“You’re too tired to drive,” she said. “You could…you should stay…here. Tonight.” She seemed more nervous than she should at the prospect of him sleeping on her couch. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before, although granted he was the only one who hadn’t been desperately ill the last time.</p><p>He nodded weakly. “Probably safest,” he muttered, giving in to a yawn.</p><p>He actually jumped a little when she pulled at his hands. “Come on, you need to actually rest, and you won’t do that out here,” she said, urging him to get up and then giving him a shove towards her bedroom door. He paused in the doorway, trying to protest. “I promise not to take advantage of you,” she said, eyes dancing.</p><p>He was still standing at the foot of her bed, unsure if he was already dreaming, when she came back with a pair of drawstring pants and tossed them at him. “Here, if you want, they’ll be too short, but I think they’ll fit well enough. I’m pretty sure they’re Poe’s.” She laughed at the shocked look on his face. “They seem to think I don’t know he sleeps over at least once a week.” She grabbed a bundle of black fabric from her dresser drawer and stepped into her bathroom. “Go to bed, Ben,” she said softly as she closed the door. He was asleep before she came back out.</p><p> </p><p>He managed to sleep for two, maybe three hours, before his eyes snapped open. There was a moment of confusion before he remembered where he was and realized the weight pinning him down was Rey, practically sprawled on top of him. There was a thump, laughter, and a low murmur of voices from the next room.</p><p>Ah.</p><p>Well, at least he knew why he was awake.</p><p>Poe must have decided to “sleep over.”</p><p>Rey shifted and grumbled, sliding to the side and burrowing into his armpit.</p><p>Well, that was…weird…</p><p>Ben turned onto his side, taking the opportunity to study her in the dim light filtering through the blinds. He didn’t move when her eyes fluttered open and she gazed back at him, eyes soft with sleep. Another thump sounded and she made a face, pulling a chuckle from him. “They know I have to work tomorrow,” she muttered, tucking her head under his chin. “You’re warm,” she sighed, settling back in against him. He wondered if she’d actually been awake at all and felt a little guilty for letting himself enjoy it as she cuddled in close. “Too stiff,” she muttered, rolling onto her back and glaring at him.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“You. You’re all tense. Relax.”</p><p>Okay, so she was definitely fully awake.</p><p>More laughter and a low moan filtered through the wall, followed by a rhythmic creaking.</p><p>Rey made a face again and reached for the remote control on the nightstand. The small TV mounted on the wall came to life, overly bright for a moment as she flipped through channels and settled on some British crime drama, setting the volume to where it almost covered the creaking and thumping from the next room. The show was surprisingly soothing for a murder mystery and Ben found himself drifting in a relaxed-but-not-quite-asleep state.</p><p>He hadn’t even realized he’d dropped an arm over Rey, fingers drawing absent circles on her waist and tummy until she started squirming and grabbed his hand. It was enough to pull him back to full consciousness. He jerked his hand away as if she’d burned him and put some space between them.</p><p>“Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize—mmph…”</p><p>His whispered apology was cut off by her lips on his and her hand on his shoulder, pushing him onto his back.</p><p>Was this really happening?</p><p>She made a sound and shifted, rising up until she could throw a leg over him, straddling his stomach without breaking the kiss.</p><p>This was a bad idea.</p><p>Probably.</p><p>Maybe?</p><p>She shifted a little and—<em>Oh, that was nice.</em></p><p>Yep, definitely a bad idea.</p><p>One of her hands had found its way into his hair, the other on the mattress beside his arm for support. He couldn’t help wrapping his arms around her, one hand sliding up her back and neck to cup the back of her skull as the other settled low on her waist before sliding down.</p><p>Rey pulled back, panting for breath, her gaze desperate. “Ben, <em>please,</em>” she whisper-whined, shifting back and rolling her hips against him.</p><p>Oh, that wasn’t fair.</p><p>With a groan he flipped her onto her back, caging her in with his arms. “I thought we decided we weren’t doing this,” his muttered as he kissed his way down her neck. “It was a bad idea.” He lifted the shirt she’d worn to bed—his shirt, the faded black one—pushing it up above her breasts. “We need to work our shit out first.” His lips trailed over her stomach, tongue dipping into her navel and making her yelp. She couldn’t seem to hold still, whining and squirming as if she couldn’t stand for him not to be touching all of her at once. His lips blazed a trail back up over her stomach as he settled between her thighs, using his bulk to pin her down for a moment and gently holding her wrists.</p><p>He stared down at her, both panting for breath in the dim glow from the television. “Rey. Look at me. Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?”</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>“No, I need you to say it. Do you want this?”</p><p>“More than anything.” She squirmed beneath him, rolling her hips again, and he didn’t think she was even aware of it.</p><p>He released her wrists and she went straight for his pants.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>“Rey, I don’t have anything. I didn’t expect…look, it’s been a really long time and I don’t have any condoms.” He was impressed with his ability to get the words out with her hands wandering beneath the elastic waistband.</p><p>“Don’t care,” she breathed, raising up to kiss him. “Birth control. We’re fine.”</p><p>He froze, staring down at her and her eyes widened as she came to the same realization he had. “Yeah, I think the four-year-old sleeping down the hall disproves that.” Ben rolled off of her and flopped onto his back, watching as Rey sat up, running a shaky hand through her hair as she tugged her shirt back down. She buried her face in her hands with a groan. “Hey, come here,” he said, reaching out and pulling her down into his arms. She settled against him with a sigh, trembling in his arms. When he realized she was crying something inside of him broke.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Ben. So sorry. I just…I shouldn’t—”</p><p>She shifted, trying to pull away from him but he didn’t let go. “Don’t, okay, don’t apologize. It’s time we admit we both want this. Maybe it really is a mistake, maybe we shouldn’t, maybe it will all go wrong, but even if it does, well you said yourself that there was no closure last time. At least if it all falls apart,” he kissed the top of her head. “At least then we would know for sure that we tried, and it just wasn’t meant to be.”</p><p>She lifted her head, staring at him in wonder. “What are you saying?”</p><p>Ben took a breath, smiling slightly at the absurdity of their situation as a murder victim’s screams on the television combined with the frantic crashing of Finn’s headboard against the wall (geez those two had stamina) as he looked at her and said, “I’m saying I love you, Rey.” She gasped and the tears started again. “As someone very smart pointed out to me recently, I have since the day you cussed me out in what must have been at least seventeen languages and knocked me on my ass. I’m saying I never should have left and I will regret that until the day that I die, but if you will consider for even one second trying again, I will do everything in my power to do it right this time. I’m not saying it will be perfect. God knows I’m a mess and you deserve far better, but I can’t help thinking maybe you—mmph!”</p><p>She cut him off with another kiss.</p><p>“Well, that was rude,” he muttered, yelping when she pinched him.</p><p>“Ben?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Stop talking.”</p><p>“But I have all these things I need to say,” he said. “I made notes, hang on a second, let me get my phone—”</p><p>She cut him off again and had both of their shirts off before he managed to speak again. “Uh, Rey, not to spoil this or anything, but we still don’t have condoms.”</p><p>“Oh, will you just shut UP, SOLO!”</p><p>There was frantic murmuring from next door and Rey groaned, burying her face in his chest as he laughed. “Come here,” Ben said, tugging her back up for another kiss as his hands trailed over her skin with renewed purpose, tugging at her shorts.</p><p>“You JUST said—oh!” She gasped as he managed to tug the fabric down far enough to reach his goal.</p><p>“Not necessary for this,” he mumbled against her neck, settling her onto her back in the center of the mattress and letting his lips follow the trail his hands had taken earlier.</p><p>Rey couldn’t seem to stay quiet, and Ben didn’t even consider muffling her cries. Let Finn and Poe find out just how thin the walls were. Nothing else really mattered to him at that moment. Just Rey and the way she was coming undone, just for him.</p><p>She shoved him away after the third time and muttered something about fairness and taking turns right before she fell asleep. He waited until her breathing was deep and even before slipping from the bed and heading for her shower. He wouldn’t be able to sleep in his current state and he was NOT going to wake her back up.</p><p>He hadn’t needed his mother’s help after all, but as he slipped back into bed beside Rey, he decided he’d still take advantage of the babysitting part of her plan.</p><p> </p><p>Breakfast was…far less awkward than he had anticipated, although Poe was unusually flushed, and Finn couldn’t seem to make eye contact with anyone. Poe left before Mia woke up, Finn not far behind, so it was just Ben and Rey at the table when their daughter wandered in with her doll still tucked under one arm and her braids half-fallen.</p><p>“Daddy! Did you come to take me to school?” He opened his mouth to say yes but Rey cut him off.</p><p>“Daddy had a sleepover, baby. He might do that sometimes, so he can have breakfast with us and help you get ready. Is that okay?”</p><p>The wordless shriek and jumping seemed to be a yes.</p><p>He wondered if that might have been a mistake. They’d only sort of talked before getting…<em>distracted</em> and still had a lot of things to work out. But he’d follow her lead.</p><p>Anywhere.</p><p> </p><p>Rey made sure Mia was distracted before kissing him goodbye—just a peck on the cheek but still…she was apparently ready to jump in with both feet.</p><p>Ben bundled Mia into the car, tiny backpack and lunchbox beside her in the backseat, and dropped her off about half an hour later than Rey usually had to in order to get to work. Mia’s teacher gave him a look and he found himself blushing as he made his excuses, told his daughter goodbye, and hurried out of the building.</p><p>Poe and Finn giving him those looks he could deal with, but apparently silver-haired pre-school teachers in their sixties were a different animal.</p><p>He was actually grateful for the distraction of his cell phone ringtone as he reached the car.</p><p>“Solo, you need to get to my office, <em>now.</em> And I would suggest you bring Ms. Erso-Andor with you. There’s someone here you both need to talk to. I think…I think we’ve just been handed <em>everything</em> you need against Snoke.”</p><p>Phasma hung up before he could even say anything. He stared at the screen for a moment, afraid to hope. He shook his head and pulled up Rey’s contact details. Hopefully, she could get emergency coverage for her classroom.  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So yeah, one more chapter and MAYBE an epilogue if the final chapter goes too long.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Someone unexpected is waiting in Phasma's office. </p><p>
  <em>Ben came to on the floor in Phasma’s office, his head in Rey’s lap while Poe shouted at someone on the phone. “What happened?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You fainted,” Phasma said, grinning at him from where she towered over Rey and sounding inordinately pleased.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He grimaced, which only seemed to make her smile widen. “You’re really loud,” he grumbled, wincing at a throbbing in his temple. He shifted, intending to sit up but the room swam, and Rey shoved at his chest and shoulders.</em>
</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please see existing and updated tags. </p><p>CW/TW: (past) drug overdose, drug and alcohol use, human trafficking, kidnapping, forced prostitution, mentioned death of parents (OF A MINOR CHARACTER)</p><p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5QBpSHlGLMjmrIPtGizcHc?si=mF88uGWPRf-HeIO02Ff2Aw">Field Goal Series Playlist</a>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey got there first. He supposed that meant they’d been able to find an emergency sub for her class.</p><p>Ben pulled into the tiny parking lot behind the building housing Phasma’s and Poe’s offices and found her car parked already. The only vacant spot was conveniently beside her. He slammed the door carelessly and practically ran across the parking lot, some part of him distantly noting that he wouldn’t have been able to do that even a month prior—Jannah might actually be right about his recovery.</p><p>The elevator took too long, and he hesitated only a moment, glancing down at his knee as if that would somehow make a difference in his ability to take the stairs before slamming open the stairwell door and taking two steps at a time. Had they been higher than the third floor it would have been a very bad plan. It still might prove to be, once the adrenaline rush faded, but he wasn’t sure he even cared.</p><p>Poe met him at the door to their reception area (not that they had a receptionist). “Ben, listen, before you go in, you need to be prepared—Ben wait!” He shrugged off Poe’s hand, the other man’s tone setting off alarm bells in his brain. The door to Phasma’s office crashed against the wall and he stumbled to stop himself from running into Rey when he saw the woman sitting with Phasma.</p><p>“FUCKING BITCH! I’LL TEAR YOUR ARMS OFF AND USE THEM TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH!”</p><p>He grabbed Rey around the waist before she could attempt to make good on her threat. The brunette watched them struggle with wide eyes, leaning a bit closer to Phasma as if planning on using the attorney as a shield.</p><p>Rey struggled another minute or two, alternating cursing at Ben and the woman on the other side of the room before finally going limp in his arms.</p><p>Ben knew better than to let her go. Not yet. There wasn’t much that would make Rey so…<em>violent</em>. He’d kind of always thought he was the only one that could provoke that reaction from her, and maybe any threats to their child. Of course, considering who he was looking at, that wasn’t so far off the mark.</p><p>He adjusted his grip once she relaxed, so that he was hugging her to him rather than holding her back. At least holding on to Rey gave him something other than his own anger to focus on for a moment.</p><p>“Are you quite finished?” Phasma inquired, unimpressed.</p><p>Whatever Rey growled in response was apparently good enough and Phasma nodded, picking up a folder and adding a stack of papers from her desk to it.</p><p>“Sit down,” the blonde woman ordered, indicating the two chairs in front of her desk.</p><p>“I’ll stand, thank you,” Rey said with a sniff.</p><p>“Suit yourself.” Phasma said, shoving the folder across the glossy surface. “I think you might change your mind when you see what’s in there.”</p><p>Ben released his hold on Rey, and she looked at him for a long moment before they stepped forward together, Rey flipping the folder open as he leaned over her so they could both see the contents.</p><p>Phasma was right. Rey stumbled and grasped weakly at the nearest chair as Ben steadied her as best he could while trying not to fall himself.</p><p>It was…</p><p>It really was <em>everything</em>.</p><p>Ben stared across the desk. “How?”</p><p>Phasma gestured to the woman beside her. “You can thank Savannah.”</p><p>Savannah, pushy brunette/sexy Vader’s name was Savannah.</p><p>Huh…that actually did sound familiar.</p><p>He looked at her and formed the only question he could think of at the moment.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>She ran a hand down his arm as he stood trapped by the kitchen sink. She’d practically pinned him to the counter. Unless she stepped away, he couldn’t move without either shoving her or physically picking her up to move her out of the way.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Come on, Ben, you and I could have a lot of fun together.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He shifted uncomfortably as she leaned in, pressing against him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I appreciate the offer but I’m here with someone, tonight.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looked up at him, toying with the buttons on his flannel shirt. “Oh, come on, now, you can do better than that.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He glanced up desperately, hoping someone—anyone—would come in and save him. “I don’t even know your name,” he said, grasping for something, well anything, really, to distract her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She smiled—sort of—and trailed her fingers down his arm again. “Do you need to? I can be whoever you want.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There, someone in the doorway…no, they kept walking. “Why not just be you?” he said, distractedly trying to stop her hands from wandering anywhere less PG-rated.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She pouted up at him. “Fine. I’m Savannah. Is that better?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Nice to meet you, but I’m still not interested.”</em>
</p><p><em>“I doubt that. You look at me the same way other men do, and they’re </em>very<em> interested.”</em></p><p>
  <em>She was starting to sound a little desperate, but she covered it with another stroke down his arm and almost manic giggling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He nearly fell back into the sink in relief when movement in the doorway proved to be Rey. “There you are!” he said, probably a little too loudly. Savannah was startled enough to step back, and Ben grabbed that opportunity to slip past her and then practically ran across the kitchen.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To Rey.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Please, please, please don’t kill me for this Andor,” he said, dropping a kiss on her lips to cut off any question or protest before tossing her over his shoulder. If carrying Rey up to his bedroom didn’t get the point across nothing would.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She could kill him for it later, just as long as he got away.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Savannah stared evenly across the desk. “You never could remember my name, thanks to all that shit Snoke had you on, but you were nicer to me than I deserved.”</p><p>Well that was…confusing. He remembered her hounding him in college, and vaguely recalled her becoming Snoke’s delivery girl, but he didn’t recall being especially nice to her.</p><p>Savannah looked at Rey. “You need to know—”</p><p>“I think we need to go back to the beginning,” Phasma interrupted, apparently not liking the idea of losing control of the room to Savannah. Or maybe just aware that whatever Savannah had been about to say would be something Rey did NOT want to hear at the moment.</p><p>Savannah started speaking, words tumbling out as if she could no longer hold them back, and Ben felt sick.</p><p>“Snoke is involved in a <em>lot </em>of shady and criminal activities. Illegal gambling is probably the tamest of it all. I got involved in his mess because of his connections to a human trafficking ring that took my sister. I was willing to do <em>anything</em> to save her. Snoke took advantage of that and sent me to <em>procure</em> you for him, by any means necessary.”</p><p>“That’s why you seemed so desperate when I turned you down.”</p><p>She nodded. “Yes.” She licked her lips and stared down at her hands. “I’m not proud of the things I did, but you have to know that I would make the same choices again. Hayley is all I have in the world. I raised her after our parents died.” She glanced up again. “She was twelve when they took her.”</p><p>“How old were you?” Rey asked, looking almost surprised to have spoken.</p><p>“Seventeen, almost eighteen when our parents died, nineteen when she disappeared, but it had been five years by the time Snoke sent me after Ben.” Savannah paused, staring up at the ceiling for a moment before she continued. “Snoke, well one of his <em>people</em>, showed me pictures, video, let me talk to her on the phone every two weeks to prove she was alive, and keep me compliant. She was…they told me she was working in a sweatshop, but that was better than the brothels, so I kept doing what Snoke wanted in exchange for keeping it that way.” She paused, shaking her head before looking at Ben.</p><p>“When you kept turning him down, saying you wanted to finish school instead of playing football, he decided it was Rey’s fault. When you turned me down and stayed with her…” she glanced down again and cleared her throat before forcing herself to make eye contact again. “When you said you loved your girlfriend and you were going to quit playing football and not take anything else from Snoke, I drugged you. That’s why you were never able to remember what happened that weekend. It wasn’t the stuff you took, it was…it was what I added, what Snoke had me add.”</p><p>Ben sat, stunned, absently realizing Rey was gripping his hand so hard her arm trembled. He should feel that, shouldn’t he? Shouldn’t that hurt? He glanced over at Rey just as she opened her mouth, but Savannah cut her off. “You need to know that Ben <em>never</em> cheated on you. Even after I drugged him, he never touched me. I’m pretty sure there wasn’t <em>ever</em> anyone else for him in the last five years.”</p><p>Rey let him go and erupted from her chair. “I can’t…I need to leave,” she mumbled, stumbling for the door. Ben just stared at his knees, unable to think or move as his brain tried to process what he’d just heard.</p><p>He hadn’t cheated? Ever?</p><p>But…all this time…</p><p>Ben gasped as his heart rate picked up, the room swimming around him as he began to tremble.</p><p>Rage, later he would feel rage, but for the moment all he knew was panic, and then…nothing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I want the red ones, I like those.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t have any red ones,” the girl said in a huff. “Snoke said you can’t have those until you start winning again.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What’s the black one?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She laughed. “Something new Snoke thought you might like, and it’s actually a really dark purple.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ben shrugged, taking the handful of assorted pills from her, washing them down with a gulp of…hm, vodka, apparently. Weird, he’d thought he finished all of that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He waited approximately five minutes before holding out an expectant hand, glaring at the brunette whose name he still hadn’t bothered to learn.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Names didn’t matter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nothing mattered.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It wasn’t working, why wasn’t it working? He could feel things and he didn’t want to feel anymore.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Gimme another.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I really don’t think—”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That wasn’t a request!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, that was loud. Was he usually that loud? He should probably apologize, except he didn’t really care all that much. She fumbled in her purse and he snatched it out of her hand, finding what he wanted and downing another handful of pills.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wait.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why was the wall moving like that?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hm. Maybe it really had kicked in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He woke up in the hospital, three days later, from a strange dream about Hux of all people yelling at him from far away. He didn’t see the girl again for a while. Snoke called her a liability, something about her not maintaining confidentiality, maybe? Whatever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They were going to make him go to rehab again, something about the team’s image. Vicrul would take over as captain until he was back.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Ben came to on the floor in Phasma’s office, his head in Rey’s lap while Poe shouted at someone on the phone. “What happened?”</p><p>“You fainted,” Phasma said, grinning at him from where she towered over Rey and sounding inordinately pleased.</p><p>He grimaced, which only seemed to make her smile widen. “You’re really loud,” he grumbled, wincing at a throbbing in his temple. He shifted, intending to sit up but the room swam, and Rey shoved at his chest and shoulders.</p><p>“Careful there, Sport, you hit your head on my desk when you fell out of the chair. You may have a concussion. Poe’s called for paramedics.” Phasma <em>almost </em>sounded concerned that time.</p><p>He wanted to roll his eyes, but the attempt hurt too much, so instead he closed his eyes and ignored her, leaning into Rey’s touch as she carded her fingers through his hair, carefully avoiding the center of the throbbing. Something occurred to him then and he opened his eyes again, relieved to find the lawyer still in his line of sight because he was pretty sure turning his head to look at her would be too much.</p><p>“Where’s the girl? Savannah?”</p><p>Rey’s hand tensed, fisting in his hair and pulling. He must have flinched or made some pained sound because she startled and let go, muttering an apology.</p><p>“Gone for now,” Phasma said. “I sent her to Beckett’s, they’ve rented her the room over the shop for the next week or so.” Phasma lowered herself to the floor, somehow managing to make it look graceful as she knelt next to Rey. “I am sorry, Ben. I didn’t realize it would be such a shock.” She really did seem remorseful. “I suppose I should have. I always suspected Snoke kept all of you on much more than alcohol but…well…no proof and I couldn’t exactly <em>do</em> anything about it at the time.”</p><p>“But you can now?”</p><p>“Yes. And I am willing to lose everything if it stops that monster.”</p><p>“What did he have on you?”</p><p>“You don’t need to know that, Solo.”</p><p> </p><p>The EMTs and Rey bullied him into going to the county hospital. He had a bump on the head, but no concussion, and orders from the ER doctor to follow up with his doctor and therapist about the panic attack that had made him hyperventilate to the point of losing consciousness.</p><p>That was humiliating, but they weren’t exactly wrong.</p><p>Rey wouldn’t let him go home alone and dragged him back to her house, settling him back into her bed with the TV remote, a comically large cup of ice water that made even his hand look average in size, and snacks.</p><p>She hovered nervously, wringing her hands when he refused to take anything for pain and asking what felt like every five minutes if he needed anything.</p><p>It was strange, overwhelming in an oddly nice way.</p><p>He made it almost an hour before he sighed, shut off the TV, and took her hands in his. “Talk to me, Rey.”</p><p>She glanced away, practically vibrating with anxiety. “About what?”</p><p>Her voice was so soft he almost couldn’t hear her, and he didn’t stop himself from reaching out, cupping her chin and urging her to look at him. “Whatever you want, Rey. Say whatever it is you need to, scream at me if you want, because seeing you like this, it hurts and I…I just want to make it better.”</p><p>He thought she would refuse.</p><p>When she finally spoke, he expected anger and maybe questions about the past, but not the one she actually asked him.</p><p>“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”</p><p>“What? That there wasn’t anyone else? I didn’t know, mostly, and honestly I didn’t think it would make a difference.”</p><p>“I, no not that, I mean yes that too but…you told Savannah you loved me, you even told fucking <em>Snoke</em>. But never me, at least not until last night. Were you so ashamed that—”</p><p>He pressed a hand over her mouth, not letting her even finish. “<em>Never.</em> Rey, I could never be ashamed of you, or of the way you make me feel. If anything, it should be the other way around.” He felt her mouth moving against his palm, her protests muffled before she rolled her eyes and licked his hand. He grinned at her before removing his hand. “I guess I just…I don’t know, thought maybe it would scare you.” He looked away, staring blankly at the wall. “It was barely three months, Rey, from the time we actually made it official until I left, and Snoke had been trying to get into my head for months before that. I was so messed up, and I know it’s my own fault for ever giving him the time of day, but…I guess in some way I thought I was saving you—from me.”</p><p>His phone interrupted, the alarm that meant it was almost time to pick up Mia echoing merrily through Rey’s small bedroom. He silenced it, staring at the picture on the lock screen. Rey and Mia. “Uh, I should get ready. I don’t want her to have to wait.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Huh?” He finally looked at her and he couldn’t quite read her expression, but she didn’t seem angry, and not even hurt, exactly.</p><p>Rey waved a hand. “Your mother’s picking her up and taking her home. I called her while you were in with the doctor. She and your father picked up the car already, too. We both thought you needed to rest, although I suppose I’m not exactly letting you do that.” She went quiet again, thinking a moment before nodding to herself and standing up and stretching. He assumed maybe she needed some space and was using ‘letting him rest’ as a convenient excuse, so he was surprised and a little confused when she kicked off her shoes and started tugging off her clothes, replacing them with his old T-shirt before placing her hands on her hips and staring at him expectantly. “Well, Solo, come on, are you going to get comfortable or not? I think we both need a nap.” She tilted her head and gave him a grin as she climbed back onto the bed. “Someone kept me up late last night.”</p><p>He shook his head, momentarily forgetting about his injury until the action made his skull give an angry throb. She winced in sympathy but continued watching appreciatively when he stood and slowly stripped off his own shirt and jeans, his shoes and socks having been removed by Rey when she first bustled him into her bed.</p><p>If he maybe moved a little slower than strictly necessary and took care with exactly how he bent and moved, well, she didn’t seem to be complaining and she settled in against him with a sigh when he lowered himself back to the mattress.</p><p>They still had <em>so </em>much left unsaid, and neither of them seemed to be able to figure out how to react to what they’d learned that morning, but she was right, they both needed sleep.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Damn it, Ben, you need to man up!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He glared at Bazine. Of course, she was on this again. It was getting ridiculous, and more than a little annoying. “What exactly am I supposed to do, Baz?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She crossed her arms and glared at him. “You know exactly what you need to do.” He rolled his eyes and she actually stomped her foot. “Tell Rey you like her. Hell, tell her you love her and want to marry her and have lots of fat, happy babies with huge ears and freckles that Auntie Baz can spoil.”</em>
</p><p><em>“She’s with Poe, I’m with you, and she </em>hates <em>me.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“No, she doesn’t. You confuse her, you frustrate the hell out of her—something I can understand, by the way—but she doesn’t hate you. And you need to stop using me as a crutch and Poe as an excuse.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I CAN’T.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well, at least you aren’t denying it anymore.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ben flopped onto the sofa. Poe and Kaydel should show up soon, and maybe Armitage, too, if he’d finished the AP Lit paper. Baz curled up beside him, hugging his arm with both of hers. “I could always just dare you to do it.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We are NOT playing truth or dare like a bunch of twelve-year-old kids.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was a light rap at the door before it swung open, Poe holding it for Kaydel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Just in time,” Baz called out. “Ben just had the best idea! Truth or dare—drunk edition!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His protests were overruled and ignored, Kaydel and Poe more than willing to go along with the idea. Ben grabbed the nearest open bottle and turned it up, barely restraining himself from smashing it afterwards in anger and frustration.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It seemed like no time at all before they were all trashed, Poe had made out with both Ben and Kaydel, causing a huge fight between, well, all of them, Poe had quite loudly come to the realization that he was at least bi but probably gay. Baz had cheered and told Poe she thought he’d look hot with Finn, that Ben was head over heels for Rey, then promptly passed out under the coffee table.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Ben sat up with a gasp, groaning as the room spun around him. It wasn’t completely dark, but the sun was definitely setting. Rey shifted and grumbled beside him as he ran a shaky hand over his face.</p><p>He’d always believed Poe had forgotten that night, too wasted to recall kissing Ben or what Baz had said before she passed out.</p><p>Then after three too many beers one night in college, Poe had brought it up again, asking why Ben still hadn’t ever said anything to Rey. He’d muttered his excuses and changed the subject, but when the following weekend Poe arranged it so that Rey spent both Friday and Saturday nights in Ben’s bed, he knew Poe wasn’t going to give up on that particular topic. He’d just stopped using words.</p><p>Ben was aware that Poe hadn’t realized Rey would be there when he invited Finn, but once he’d seen her, Poe had started plotting. Rey hadn’t realized Poe leaving her “alone” in the living room was not an accident. He’d known Ben was watching her. He hadn’t realized that idiot that ripped her top would try anything, but he’d very intentionally left her with no place to sleep. The zombie movie the next night had been another excuse to push Rey on him, and eventually Ben had realized that even the couple’s costumes for the Halloween party had been devised to push Ben and Rey together.</p><p>Poe was a master manipulator and smarter than most people wanted to give him credit for. It was fortunate he’d chosen to use his gifts for good rather than evil, because if things had been different Poe could have given Snoke a run for his money.</p><p>His stomach gave an angry rumble and Ben realized he hadn’t actually eaten since breakfast, and that had been rushed. He glanced over at Rey again before slipping out of her bed and fumbling in the dark for his jeans.</p><p>He either needed to do laundry or get more clothes. Or go home to his parents’ house…that’s probably what he <em>should</em> do but he could admit, at least to himself, that he was planning to stay right where he was as long as Rey would let him. He decided to forego a shirt. Between two days of wear and the spots of blood from where he’d hit his head, he just really didn’t want to put it back on and the only other shirt his size in the entire house was the one Rey had on. He just wouldn’t fry anything; it would be fine.</p><p>He was rifling through the refrigerator for ingredients for a passable dinner when Finn and Poe came through the door and Poe’s teasing started before Finn even got the front door closed. Ben’s only response was a rude gesture as he opened the freezer and poked through the bags of frozen vegetables.</p><p>“Do y’all not buy any food that’s not microwaveable?” he muttered in Finn’s general direction as he moved three boxes of Hot Pockets, a multi-pack of chicken pot pies, and a bag of dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets to get at a steamer bag of frozen peas.</p><p>“I do,” Finn said, affronted.</p><p>“Hey, Rey can boil water without setting off the smoke detector now, that’s progress at least,” Poe said.</p><p>“There’s some chicken breasts wrapped in foil in the back, by the ice maker,” Finn said, “and fortunately your kid really likes fruit and raw vegetables.” He joined Ben in the tiny kitchen, looking at the items he’d already pulled from the fridge and freezer before he began opening cabinets and pulling out a few other things. Ben paused, looking over what Finn had pulled out with an approving nod.</p><p>“Got any bacon?”</p><p>“Only precooked, sadly. Rey puts it on sandwiches. It’s in the drawer with deli meats and sliced cheeses.”</p><p>Ben shrugged. He could work with that. At least it wasn’t the imitation salad topping bits. He claimed the bacon, and some decent looking hard Italian cheeses (that had to be something Finn bought) and turned around. Finn visibly flinched when he saw all of Ben’s face for the first time.</p><p>“That bad, huh?”</p><p>“I’d ask what you got hit with, but I already heard,” Finn said slowly, studying the knot, cut, and bruising on Ben’s forehead. “So, want any help?”</p><p>Ben thought about it and shrugged. “Sure.”</p><p>Between the two of them they managed a decent play on chicken carbonara, and Rey was up by the time Finn pulled the garlic cheese toast out of the toaster oven. It was…nice, dinner with just the four of them. Almost too quiet without Mia (although Poe did his best to make up for that).</p><p>The conversation didn’t turn serious until after they had eaten, Poe surprisingly delicately broaching the subject of what they’d learned that morning.</p><p>“I don’t know much, Phasma’s tried to keep me out of it as much as possible, so I’ll have plausible deniability, but I DO know who was in her office today, and that whatever she told you was major enough to send Rey out of the room and make you pass out.” He paused, seeming to be considering what else to say. “Fuck it, why not…listen, I know Phasma didn’t say anything, and I shouldn’t either but then I probably shouldn’t even know this but…the feds are investigating Snoke, and whatever they have on him they’re close to an arrest. Whatever information sexy Vader brought—”</p><p>“Savannah.”</p><p>Poe looked at Rey. “Huh?”</p><p>She took Ben’s hand and looked at Poe. “Her name is Savannah. Considering the information she handed over, I think we should do her the courtesy of using her name.”</p><p>Poe raised his eyebrows but nodded. “Sure, okay, Savannah, then. Like I was saying, whatever information <em>Savannah</em> brought to Phasma, she’s given the same stuff to the investigators and it’s…” Poe trailed off, sighed, took a deep breath and turned serious eyes back to Ben. “Well it’s going to be huge. It…I’m sorry man but your civil suit probably won’t ever go anywhere.”</p><p>Ben laughed. Poe grinned. Ben laughed harder and his eyes grew wet.</p><p>Was he in hysterics?</p><p>Did it even matter?</p><p>That asshole, Poe knew it wasn’t about the suit. Ben just wanted Snoke to pay <em>somehow</em>, to have to face some sort of consequences.</p><p>Snoke facing multiple federal charges and losing everything was about the best revenge he could ask for.</p><p>Rey cried silently but she was smiling, and she hadn’t let go of Ben’s hand. Finn just watched the three of them, shaking his head slowly and muttering about how he’d never understand them.</p><p>After dinner, Finn and Poe decided to head to Poe’s studio apartment near his office, leaving Ben and Rey alone in the house.</p><p>Alone and completely exhausted.</p><p>They collapsed back into Rey’s bed, too tired to even talk and yet unable to sleep due to their overlong afternoon nap. Rey ended up turning the television back on, idly flipping channels before switching over to a streaming service for more of the murder mystery series, mumbling something about how if that didn’t work nothing would. Rey was asleep before the end of the (admittedly long) episode, but Ben found himself half-watching the show in between watching Rey sleep and wondering when this bubble of peace would burst, and what other bombshells Savannah would drop.</p><p>Eventually he did fall asleep, and had odd, anxious dreams about murderous weasels and fox detectives and something about the doors in a house that moved every time he turned away from one, effectively trapping him inside an impossibly long hallway.</p><p> </p><p>It was nearly a week before they agreed to meet with Savannah again. Phasma had stayed in touch, even through the weekend, and assured both Ben and Rey that there would be no more shocks but that Savannah had more to say and refused to do so unless it was in person.</p><p>Ben was back at the pool house on the Solo property, he and Rey silently falling back into their previous routine, still without discussing, well, anything really. So many times he picked up the phone, fingertip hovering over the call and text icons, before putting it back down with a sigh.</p><p>No. He needed to wait, give her time to process.</p><p>Hell, he needed to do the same.</p><p>Wait.</p><p>He really was an idiot.</p><p>He called his therapist first, and then Rey, somehow surprised when she agreed to family counseling without reservation, even though he knew her thoughts and feelings (and those of her mother) on the subject.</p><p> </p><p>In the end, Savannah didn’t actually have much more than the files she’d already handed over, what seemed to be a genuine, heartfelt apology, and the key to a storage unit outside the city. Well, two of them, actually, although the first she gave to Phasma for safekeeping until the authorities came for it.</p><p>The second though, the second she gave to Ben.</p><p>“I…everything should still be there, all the stuff from your dorm, and whatever you had moved into storage from the penthouse.”</p><p>Ben’s eyes widened. He’d actually forgotten about the unit, and had he remembered he would have assumed the contents were long gone.</p><p>“It’s paid up,” Savannah continued, “for at least another 6 months. I…kept it for you. It was the only other thing I could do to help without Snoke finding out.”</p><p>“I still don’t understand why.”</p><p>She shrugged, glanced at Rey as if making sure she wouldn’t attack before taking a step forward. “I told you, you were nice to me.” She licked her lips. “I’m not proud of what I’ve done, but like I said, to save Hayley I would do it all again. That doesn’t mean I was happy about hurting you—either of you.” She glanced at Rey who shifted uncomfortably but didn’t say anything. “I…after you signed on with the Knights, Snoke kind of…gave me to you, like I was some kind of bonus. And you…well, others wouldn’t have hesitated, but you told Snoke what he wanted to hear and let me sleep on your sofa, so he didn’t send me to anyone else.”</p><p>Ben felt Rey squeeze his hand, leaning closer against him.</p><p>Savannah gave a kind of half-smile and shrugged, wrapping her arms around herself and turning to stare blankly out the small window overlooking the parking area and the dumpster for the diner next door. “Anyway I…it gave me time, to think and plan and figure out how to get us all out. After you blew out your knee, and Snoke kicked you out, I thought that was it, everything was over, but he basically took everything that had been set aside for Kylo Ren—including me—and gave it to Vicrul.” Ben laughed, and she glanced up, a genuine smile.</p><p>“He still with Cardo?”</p><p>She nodded. “Yeah. They’re, honestly, kind of sickening. They didn’t have much use for me, but considering the fact that Snoke has pretty much every prejudice covered, they basically did the same thing you did, kept me around for appearances and let me do whatever I wanted as long as I didn’t draw Snoke’s attention to the truth. They wanted out too, and when they figured out what I was planning, they wanted to help.”</p><p>“You know, I don’t even know their names, the real ones. Probably wouldn’t have remembered if I did but still…it seems like I should know.”</p><p>“Simon, and Vincent.” He nodded. That was vaguely familiar.</p><p>“Anyway, I guess that’s all, really, other than, I really am sorry, for everything you went through, everything I didn’t stop.”</p><p>And she walked out of Phasma’s office, leaving Ben and Rey with the attorney and a heavy silence.</p><p>Phasma shifted, shuffling papers on her desk and looking at them expectantly. “Well, shall we discuss next steps?”</p><p>Ben looked at Rey, then turned to Phasma with a headshake. “I don’t think so.”</p><p>She blinked at him. He’d managed to surprise her. “What?”</p><p>“I’ve wasted enough time on Snoke. Let the feds deal with him.” He glanced back at Rey. “I need to focus on my family’s future.”</p><p>Taking Rey’s hand again, Ben Solo turned and walked out of the attorney’s office, feeling somehow free, despite the fact that nothing was settled. Rey was willingly letting him hold her hand, it was nearly time to pick up their daughter from pre-school, and for the moment, that was all that mattered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A short epilogue to follow, but this is it, y'all (and yes, it was always going to end here, at their next beginning).</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just a few, brief glimpses into the future. </p>
<p>
  <em>She had fought him every step of the way, on everything, and Ben had been thrilled about it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She said she’d thought it over, didn’t want to move too fast. Jumping back into things might have been a mistake.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Okay, he could wait for however long she needed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She didn’t want to disrupt Mia’s routine too much at once.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He agreed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She thought, if he wanted, that it still might be okay for him to stay over some nights—just to sleep and be there in the morning.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He wasn’t going anywhere. </em>
</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn’t easy.</p>
<p>It wasn’t fast.</p>
<p>It was <em>years</em> of fighting and crying and working to rebuild a life.</p>
<p>He didn’t pursue any civil action against Snoke, and the federal case stalled when some of the evidence Savannah turned over was thrown out, and then the man himself suffered a stroke and died shortly after.</p>
<p>But it was enough to destroy everything the man had built, and though the less public criminal activities weren’t necessarily shut down, it was certainly a setback. People were returned to their families, distribution of some of the drugs was severely impaired, and the Knights of Ren (and the illegal gambling operation that had been Snoke’s true motivation for the private league team) were completely dismantled.</p>
<p>It was a surprise when he learned the rights to the name ‘Kylo Ren’ had reverted to Ben, along with any merchandising agreements, and there was talk of the team starting up again—legitimately this time.</p>
<p>Not that he had any interest in that.</p>
<p>No, Ben Solo was oddly content with his life.</p>
<p>After Poe and Phasma helped him restore his legal identity he’d decided to go back to school, finish his degree, although he did shift majors, ending up with a bachelor’s in education, and immediately applying to master’s programs.</p>
<p>Snap Wexley teased him relentlessly about being “the competition” but Ben was perfectly happy to let him remain the most popular elementary school teacher in the county (although Rey still got Ben’s vote for that one). No, Ben wanted to teach high school, maybe move into administration at some point, following the same path as Cassian Andor.</p>
<p>
  <em><br/>Rey.</em>
</p>
<p>That woman.</p>
<p>She had fought him every step of the way, on <em>everything</em>, and Ben had been thrilled about it.</p>
<p>She said she’d thought it over, didn’t want to move too fast. Jumping back into things might have been a mistake.</p>
<p>Okay, he could wait for however long she needed.</p>
<p>She didn’t want to disrupt Mia’s routine too much at once.</p>
<p>He agreed.</p>
<p>She thought, if he wanted, that it still might be okay for him to stay over some nights—just to sleep and be there in the morning.</p>
<p>He wasn’t going anywhere.</p>
<p>It had been a surprise when—after tucking Mia in at his parents’ house one Saturday—instead of going home or heading into one of the guest rooms, Rey had grabbed his hand and practically <em>dragged</em> him to the pool house, popping at least three buttons off his shirt in her haste to get it off of him once they were inside. She insisted she was sure though, she said when he asked her—repeatedly—that this was what she wanted.</p>
<p>That night, for the first time since his previous declaration, she actually let him tell her he loved her.</p>
<p>And she said it back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“…marry me…”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ben looked up in confusion, putting down his highlighter and multi pen with four different colored inks. “What?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rey rolled her eyes and came to stand beside his seat at their kitchen table, hands on her hips. “I said, our daughter is asking again if you are going to marry me. Where is she getting this from?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He wrapped an arm around her waist, tugging her into his lap. “It’s probably just all the wedding and flower girl talk. Kaydel and Jannah are newlyweds, Rose and Armitage get married next month, Finn and Poe are engaged.” He shrugged, toying absently with something beside the textbook he was making notes from.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She sighed and leaned against him. “I suppose so.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Or it might be that she helped me pick this out last week,” he said casually, holding his hand out, palm open and flat, ring glinting in the kitchen light. She gasped, stiffening in his lap before turning to face him, shock plain on her face. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Rey, you made me promise I wouldn’t go all out, no over the top proposals, no embarrassing scenes, no surprising you in front of anyone else. If you’ve changed your mind about that, we can do it all over again and let my mother hire a freaking engagement coordinator, but since I don’t think you will, I am going to ask you now, at our kitchen table on a Tuesday night, while our daughter sneaks out of bed and hides around the corner to listen in: Rey Erso-Andor will you marry me?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He tasted her tears as she mumbled her ‘yes’ against his lips and Mia yelled at them from across the room, hands on her hips in the exact pose Rey had been standing in only minutes earlier.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“WELL? WHAT DID SHE SAY? MAMA, DID YOU SAY YES YET? PLEASE SAY YES!”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shook his head, pushing away the memories and watching Rey walk toward him where he stood beside Armitage and Poe. She smiled as she came to a stop beside Rose and Finn, Mia settling in front of her in a confection of white lace with a red sash and carrying a basket of red rose petals. He felt Armitage poke him and he felt the heat creep up his face and burn in his ears, blushing as he tore his attention away from his wife and glanced down the aisle.  He turned back and grinned at the awestruck look on Snap’s face as Savannah walked down the aisle towards him, escorted by her little sister.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“I saw Savannah today,” Rey said casually one night as they set the table—their table, in their house…it still seemed like a dream.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What’s she doing here?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Apparently her sister is taking classes at state. They’re looking for rentals in the area.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And how do you feel about that?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rey shrugged, adding a fork to Mia’s place setting. “I don’t know, really. Some part of me is probably always going to blame her, even if she is the reason you’re here now. But…well, she’s trying.” She was silent for a moment, before changing the subject completely. “Apparently Snap’s single again.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That man needs to stop dating teachers who are clearly in love with someone else just so he can get them back together with their exes,” Ben muttered, getting the expected smile from Rey.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s not like he does it on purpose! Besides, Tallie Lintra isn’t getting back with her ex…she’s moving in with Snap’s.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Ben crossed his arms and grinned. “My argument still stands.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Mia wandered in, climbing into her chair and looking up expectantly at her parents. “I’m hungry. Can I drink milk, please?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>It was easy enough at his height, watching Rey over Snap’s shoulder. It seemed unreal, being here now, married to Rey, surrounded by people they both loved, and watching the most unlikely pair he could ever come up with exchange rings and vows. It was almost as unlikely as Rey and Savannah being actual friends, but then that had happened too, and they were close enough that Savannah had asked her to be matron of honor.</p>
<p>Of course Ben had called Snap an idiot and Snap made him best man so…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re an idiot.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Snap tried to argue but Poe and Armitage echoed Ben’s sentiment.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, really, you are,” Poe insisted.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I agree in this instance,” Armitage added evenly as they huddled around ‘their’ corner table at Beckett’s.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You love that woman,” Ben said. “And she seems to feel the same way about you. So now I am going to ask you the same question you asked me: What are you going to do about it?”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Technically, we could tell people now, you know?” Rey said, head on his shoulder as they did some junior-high-like approximation of slow dancing.</p>
<p>“We <em>could</em>,” he said, “and I’m a little shocked <em>your</em> daughter has managed to keep it a secret.”</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>my </em>daughter huh?”</p>
<p>He nodded. “Yep.”</p>
<p>She started to say something else when they heard Mia’s voice carry from the corner where she was at a table with Rose and Hux.</p>
<p>“Guess what, Uncle Armie? I’m gonna have—”</p>
<p>Rey looked up at Ben. “You just had to tempt fate.”</p>
<p>“A puppy!”</p>
<p>Ben and Rey both relaxed, slumping in their relief.</p>
<p>“Mama and Daddy said we can bring him home soon, before my little brother or sister comes.”</p>
<p>Rey groaned. “<em>Your</em> daughter.”</p>
<p>He laughed and kissed her forehead. “<em>Our</em> daughter,” he whispered before kissing her hand and then lacing their fingers together and leading her over to the table as Rose and Armitage attempted to change the subject back to the puppy before too many other guests at the reception overheard. Rey bumped into Ben, grinning up as he stumbled. “Don’t walk with your shoulders, Solo,” she said softly, “Center of balance.” She trailed off in a yawn, shortly followed by one from Mia.</p>
<p>Ben smiled and picked her up, giving a slight headshake to Rose as she bounced in her seat and mouthing the word <em>tomorrow </em>at her. “Come on, you two,” Ben said, balancing Mia on his left so he could slide his right arm around Rey. “Say goodnight and let’s go home.”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5QBpSHlGLMjmrIPtGizcHc?si=mF88uGWPRf-HeIO02Ff2Aw">Field Goal Series Playlist</a>
</p><p>Tracks 21-32 are specific to Homecoming. And yeah, another song has been added. I realized that there were a couple of tracks I was listening to that really impacted the story but hadn't added them on Spotify. Track 21 (Home Game) was added around the time I finished Fumble. Track 25 (Forgiveness) was added the day after Homecoming chapter 1 was posted.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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